(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN:Fred Newman)
TR: If you're a young person with wonderful hair looking for a lucrative job in broadcasting, you should think about TV weather forecasting. We're looking for young attractive men and women with good teeth who can stretch a little tiny forecast into an 8-minute TV segment including two commercials --- AND to stand in front of a blank screen and make it look as if you're pointing to Ohio. AND make every day sound like a life-threatening situation.
SS: This is Debbie Flexner, Eyewitness Weather, with a winter sun warning from the U.S. Weather Service. Sunshine has now reached levels that could cause blindness if you look directly into the sun and even reflections of sunlight off glass or metallic surfaces could cause you to lose control of a vehicle and skid into a bridge abutment. Details at 10.
TR: Here at the University of Maui School of Meteorology we offer a six-week program that leads to the M.S.W. degree AND gives you 100,000 frequent flier miles free. Plus a free facial and hair coloring. We teach you to read comfortably from a Teleprompter. To make graceful hand gestures showing the movement of cold fronts. And to project a sense of impending danger.
SS: This wind chill advisory just in ---- a warning that persons in hostage situations forced to strip naked and lie on the ground could face serious frostbite with the possible loss of fingers and toes or other body parts. Color photographs coming up at 10.
TR: We predict a warm and sunny future for you with a degree from the University of Maui School of Meteorology. And ask about our Postgraduate Meterology Studies program, PMS.
GK: That's the University of Maui School of Meteorology.
© Garrison Keillor 2003