(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
TR (TEEN): Are we having broiled salmon again??? And baby greens and raddichio salad with goat cheese and walnuts??? Why can't we have something good for a change???
GK: If your family complains about your cooking, it's time you tried Mrs. Soderquist's Secret Sauce for a perfect result everytime. What's her secret? Mrs. Soderquist's sauce is a unique blend of high-fructose corn syrup, cane sugar, glucose, honey, and jelly beans. It's sure to be a hit with your family.
SS (OLD LADY): I cooked for a bunch of grumps and then I discovered the secret. It's sugar. Make your rice pilaf taste like peanut brittle and make 'em hum like a barbershop quartet.
GK: Why throw money away on expensive cookbooks? You can't go wrong with sugar. And crushed up Snicker's Bars.
SS (OLD LADY): Put my secret sauce on all your favorite foods. And my other advice: add butter.
GK: That's Mrs. Soderquist's Special Sauce.
SS (OLD LADY): And don't forget to add butter.
TR (TEEN): Boy O boy, I love this broiled salmon, it's like eating Twinkies. And the broccoli's got me bouncing off the walls.
GK: It puts the zing in cuisine.
© Garrison Keillor 2003