(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
(BIG ROMANTIC THEME)
GK: Once again, another little chapter in the history of the human heart--..as we bring you ------- St. Paul Story.
(PIANO THEME)
GK: They met one day in Ramsey County traffic court---- a St. Paul woman and a Minneapolis man ---- as bitter adversaries -----
SS: This big fat idiot ran a red light and struck my car broadside and spun me around and almost into a light pole.
TR: She's lying through her teeth ---- this ditzy broad made an illegal left turn while yakking on her cellphone, and skidded on the ice and rammed me head on, Your Honor. My neck still aches.
SS: What a fairy tale, your honor. This creep got out of his car, stinking of gin, frothing at the mouth, shrieking obscenities, and assaulted me with his briefcase.
TR: She was carrying marijuana plants in her trunk and I have the pictures to prove it.
GK: But their battle in court only lights the spark of romance----
(INTIMATELY)
SS: Care for another glass of wine?
TR: Sure. Why not?
SS: My treat, since I won in court----
TR: I'm glad you won.
SS: You are?
TR: I loved it when you called me "an arrogant klutz with hair issues".
SS: I didn't mean it. I love you hair.
TR: And you told me to upgrade my mouthwash and deal with my aggression.
SS: I don't know why I said that.
TR: Where do you live? I'm over by Cedar Lake.
SS: I live here in St. Paul.
TR: Oh.
SS: Near Ashland and Western. Near the Cathedral.
TR: The what?
SS: The Cathedral. Haven't you ever been to St. Paul before?
TR: Is that where we are now?
(PIANO, SWELL)
GK: The romance thickens as winter descends--..
SS: We're so different, Chuck. And yet so good for each other.
TR: I'm so grateful that you introduced me to yoga.
SS: And you made my DVD player work and showed me how to send faxes with my computer.
TR: I never would've read The Lord of the Rings if it hadn't been for you.
SS: I never would've gone to Duluth. (DOG GROWL) Hush, Danny. (DOG GROWL) What's wrong?
TR: He hates me, Iris. (DOG WOOFS) He knows I'm from Minneapolis.
SS: Don't be silly. He'd never harm anybody. (DOG SNARLS)
(PIANO, SWELL)
GK: And then comes March, when every relationship runs into problems----
SS: Why didn't you call me yesterday?
TR: Why didn't you come over? I'm only 15 minutes away.
SS: I always go over there. Why can't you ever come over here?
TR: To St. Paul? I always get lost.
SS: Maybe if you came once in awhile, you'd get the hang of it.
TR: You never call me anymore.
SS: Maybe I'd like to see a little more interest on your part first----(DOG GROWL)
TR: Your dog is getting saliva on my shoes. (DOG GROWL)
SS: Animals can often detect things in people that we ourselves can't see.
TR: Is that right.
SS: You tell me.
(PIANO, SWELL)
GK: A long grim dark month when people sit alone and think dark thoughts--..
SS: Why am I waiting for him to call? Why don't I just get back together with Mike?
TR: I feel so unappreciated here. There's so little understanding of ---- art ---- of culture. It's about time I move to San Francisco..
SS: I'm going for a walk. Danny? Danny? ---- Danny----- (DARK CHORD)
TR: I noticed your lights were off. The house was dark. Are you all right?
SS: My dog died.
TR: Oh, my dear. Oh dear---- (PIANO SWELL)
SS: It's been good knowing you.
TR: I hope you'll stay in touch.
SS: Oh. We'll see.
TR: I found an apartment with a view of the Golden Gate.
SS: Wonderful. Did you buy it?
TR: No, but I will when I get there. ---- You get a new dog?
SS: Nope. (MEOW) Got a cat.
TR: What'd you name her?
SS: Him. Named him Pilgrim.
TR: Nice cat. (MEOW)
SS: He likes you.
TR: You tell your missus to come see me in San Francisco, Pilgrim.
SS: You tell him that if he wants me, I'm right here, waiting for him, Pilgrim.
TR: You ask her if she really means that---- (MEOW)
SS: You tell him that if he wants to find out, he should come on in and take off his jacket.
TR: I'm coming, Pilgrim. It's taken me years to get from Minneapolis to St. Paul but I'm here. Finally I'm here.
(PIANO SWELL)
GK: We're born, we struggle, we need ....something --- what? We're not sure. A sense of purpose. Meaning. Love. St. Paul. Something to ease the pain of the human predicament here on--..St. Paul Story. (MUSIC OUT)
© Garrison Keillor 2003