(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: So what's going on with you, kid? You seem to be out of step with the rest of the world.
SS: I am.
TR (CRITIC): "About Schmidt" ---- This glum self-indulgent exercise in Jackophilia has all the wit and grace of a bucket of fries.
SS: WHAT???? I loved that movie! Jack Nicholson is great in it! It's funny!!! You didn't get it because you're a New Yorker and it's about the Midwest!!! Come on!!!
TR (CRITIC): "Adaptation" --- This brilliant metaphysical parody works beautifully on several levels all at once to give us a fascinating picture that's on everyone's top ten list.
SS: You've got to be kidding?? That piece of crap? I couldn't WAIT for it to be over!! Thank goodness, I asked for butter on my popcorn, otherwise there would've been no entertainment whatsoever.
TR (CRITIC): "Far From Heaven" --- This cinematic meditation on the repressions of the Fifties is stylistically a work of perfection and Julianne Moore is at the peak of her craft.
SS: What? Perfection!!! It was like the longest slide show I ever saw! If I hadn't been sitting in the middle of the row, I would've walked out after ten minutes of it!
GK: So how does it feel to be in the minority?
SS: Not that bad.
GK: You don't feel marginalized?
SS: Not at all.
GK: Your favorite movies get panned---
SS: So what do they know?
GK: Your politics is out of style---
SS: The truth shall prevail.
GK: Your heroes are getting nowhere.
SS: It takes time.
GK: The guys in the black hats are riding up and down Main Street firing their guns in the air.
SS: We'll show em. Just you wait.
GK: What made you so philosophical?
SS: Rhubarb. (MUSIC TEMPO, FOR THEME)
GK: Yes, rhubarb. Most people prefer apple, and only a few know that rhubarb is the key to the good life. You won't find it in most produce departments. But someday, somewhere, in an unreviewed cafe on the wrong side of town, an unemployed actor working as a waiter will bring you a slice of Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie and life will never be the same.
One little piece and you will know
A bad review doesn't make it so.
Stick with what you know is true
Meanwhile here's some pie for you.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
© Garrison Keillor 2003