(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK: In Bergman's movie, Fanny and Alexander, there's a Christmas scene in which the children and their parents join hands and run from room to room through the house and they sing:
Nu er det jul igen, Nu er det jul igen
Julen vara skal til paaske
Nej, det ikke sant, Nej, det ikke sant
For ind imellem kommer fasten.
They run up the stairs and down the hall and through the bedrooms and into the kitchen and all through the house, singing,
Nu er det jul igen, Nu er det jul igen
Julen vara skal til paaske
Nej, det ikke sant, Nej, det ikke sant
For ind imellem kommer fasten.
And they wind up in the front room with the magnificent Christmas tree and candles and lights and a mountain of presents and they dance around the tree singing,
Nu er det jul igen, Nu er det jul igen
Julen vara skal til paaske
Nej, det ikke sant, Nej, det ikke sant
For ind imellem kommer fasten.
Until they're exhausted and they collapse in a pile on the floor, laughing.
I don't remember Christmas being like that.
Our Christmas was more like other Bergman movies. The black and white ones.
TR: SWEDISH
GK: The ones where the woman stands looking out at the snow and the black trees.
SS: SOFT SWEDISH
GK: And the husband tells her that he had a dream that they all die soon, eaten by bears.
TR: SWEDISH
GK: Except in our house, it wasn't bears, it was bankruptcy, and my father didn't dream it, he felt it, the expense, the needless expense.
TR: Why do we need to spend money on name tags, for crying out loud? Why not a plain slip of paper? Why does it have to have holly embossed on it? I don't get it. And ribbon --- what I pay for ribbon around here is just astonishing. Is there any reason we can't save wrapping paper from one year to the next? Is that too much to ask? Do we have to rip the wrapping to shreds? Couldn't we try removing the paper? Couldn't we? Carefully removing the paper and folding it and keeping it for next year? Is that unreasonable?
GK: My mother loved Christmas. She still does. It's a fairy tale and she's the godmother with the wand who scatters fairy dust and (GLISS) (OOOHHHH) ---- (WHINNY) A cowboy and Indian set with fifty realistic plastic figures and a bunkhouse and teepees and everything! Gosh, thanks! (GUNSHOTS)
SS: You're so welcome, my dear. (GLISS) (OOHHH)
GK: A printing set. (ROTARY PRESS) With rubber type. Now I can print my own newspaper and everything. (ROTARY PRESS, FASTER) Now I can start a media empire here in the West and through the use of misinformation I can persuade the cowboys and Indians that what I want is what they want.
SS: I hope you enjoy it, dear. (GLISS) (OOOHHHH)
GK: A chemistry set. Oh boy. Now I can have a foreign policy. (BRIDGE) My dad took a dark view of Christmas.
TR: I could be walking barefoot in the dark and step on one of those little Indians and cut my foot open and have to go to the hospital and it'd cost fifty, sixty, eighty bucks to get it sewn up. You could print something on that little printing press that would get us embroiled in a libel suit that'd go on for years and cost us hundreds of dollars in legal fees. You could mix up something with that chemistry set that would (EXPLOSION, THEN A SERIES OF SMALLER EXPLOSIONS, THEN A BIG BLAST THAT REVERBERATES)----.
GK: So it's a contest every year between the light side and the dark side, and I like to start out on the light side and give it all the help I can because I figure the dark side will take care of itself.
Nu er det jul igen
Nu er det jul igen
Julen vara skal til paaske
Nej, det ikke sant
Nej, det ikke sant
For ind imellem kommer fasten.
No more school again
No more school again
And nobody is on a diet.
All the Lutherans here
All the Lutherans here
Get to dance the tango.
Oh it's Christmastime
Oh it's Christmastime
Christmas here in New York City----
Everybody dance
Everybody dance
Everybody do the polka.
Off in Sweden
Where they do this song
They run around the rooms of their apartment
Then they all dance
Round the Christmas tree
Yes, they all dance counterclockwise.
Nu er det jul igen
Nu er det jul igen
Julen vara skal til paaske
Nej, det ikke sant
Nej, det ikke sant
For ind imellem kommer fasten.
© Garrison Keillor 2002