(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman; ST: Studs Terkel)
GK: And now it's time for Cooking With Studs----(MUSICAL THEME) helpful household tips from author Studs Terkel------today, Studs discusses "Home Entertaining for the Holidays."
STUDS: Yeah. Right. Listen---- my advice about Entertaining at Home is ---- don't do it. Horrible idea. People come to your house, who knows how long they'll stay? They could stay for hours. Terkel's rule: Never Invite People Into Your Home Unless You Know Them Well Enough To Be Able To Say, I'm Tired, Get Outta Here.
GK: Okay--- and what about a wine selection---
ST: A Bombay Martini. Best wine there is. Straight up with an olive. In a chilled glass. And don't let em carry it around in the shaker. It's gotta be poured right away. These young waiters, they waltz around with it on a tray, and they're watering my drink, that's what they're doing! They think they're being stylish and they're watering my drink! (CRASH OF GLASS) ----- What was that?
GK: A vase. Never mind.
ST: You want a good martini, you hop in a cab and go over to Tony's. It's on the North Side. I forget where. Rush Street. Dakin. I forget. The cab driver'll know. Just tell him. Tony's. Nice place. Not one of those yuppie joints ----- where you order a duck breast and they bring you three pieces the size of half-dollars with some whipped yoghurt or something and a couple lentils and it's 23.95! Three little pieces! What duck has a breast the size of a half-dollar? Huh? It's outrageous. There oughta be a law against this! (CRASH)---- How come you got all this pottery on pedestals?
GK: So you'd rather go out to eat than stay home----
ST: Tony's is a very popular joint. Very popular. Always full of people. Loud. Which is nice because I don't hear that well and when I'm in a loud joint, I can't hear what anybody says, and that means I can talk all I want about whatever I want to talk about. Did I ever tell you about the time I met Fighting Bob LaFollette in Paris --- he was living with Gertrude Stein and Sitting Bull---- great people!
GK: So you like it at Tony's.
ST: They don't have those waiters with the hair who think that
the Catch of the Day is them! The guys who keep coming around to ask you
if the pasta is okay. They don't have pasta at Tony's. They've got spaghetti.
With meatballs. And a nice piece of whitefish. With the head and the tail
so you can debone it yourself.
And they serve a good Martini. It's actually a double but they call it
a single so you can have two and not feel guilty.
GK: You like Martinis---
ST: A couple Martinis are very nice. The spaghetti is good and everybody is quiet and they're all listening to me tell them what a rotten dirty election it was but there was an even worse one back in 1920. Boy, that was a stinker. Warren G. Harding and "normalcy". What an empty suit he was. Great hairdo and nothing underneath it. That was the year Eugene V. Debs ran for President from prison! Great man! Got a million votes, but the progressives deserted him in droves.
GK: Why did the progressives desert?
ST: Well, maybe a little chocolate ice cream if you got some.
You
got chocolate ice cream? Good. Gimme that. And a glass of cognac - you
know, like Churchill. A 1920 vintage. A double.
GK: That's a hundred bucks a glass.
ST: Thanks for dinner, kid. I appreciate it. Some time when I know you better, I'll have you over to the house. (THEME MUSIC)
GK: Mr. Studs Terkel discussing holiday entertaining on "Cooking With Studs." (MUSIC OUT
© Garrison Keillor 2002