(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: One day you have this dear little sweet little daughter who is thrilled to see you.
SS (GIRL): Daddy! Daddy's home! Oh Daddy Daddy Daddy. I missed you, Daddy. I love you, Daddy.
GK: And then what seems like about three weeks later, there is this tall disdainful teenage person looking at you with solemn anger. What's wrong, honey?
SS (TEEN): You don't understand anything, you know that?
GK: Would you do me a favor and put on a sweater?
SS (TEEN): Sweaters are like, so over.
GK: But you're dressed like a streetwalker! And you're smoking---
SS (TEEN): (EXHALE) I did not ask to be born into this creepy family!
GK: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY LITTLE GIRL?
TR: What happened to your little girl? Lots of things. You let her hang out with bad kids and watch MTV.
GK: But how can I keep a kid from watching television?
(GREGORIAN HUMMING, WITH ORGAN CHORD)
SS (OLDER): Here at the Convent of the Sisters of St. Vicky, we bring up young women in a wholesome atmosphere that stresses work and prayer, solitude, study, reverence, silence, prayer, attention to duty, silence, and prayer. We take girls between 8 and 10 and we raise them for you until they're 30 and ready to go out into the world. And you get to visit them every Saturday.
SS (CHEERY TEEN): Daddy! Daddy's here! Oh Daddy Daddy Daddy. I missed you, Daddy. I love you, Daddy.
GK: The Convent of the Sisters of St. Vicky. In partnership with the Monastery of St. Kevin.
TK (TEEN): Hi Dad. Boy, what a great week. The devotional periods were really great. I read that stuff by Augustine. Wow, what a guy. And look at this manuscript --- I did all the lettering by hand.
GK: As parents, we're always looking for new options. A cloistered adolescence for your child is just one. Call now ---- one--- eight-hundred ----
TR & GK & TK & RD (CHANTING): C L V I M C X X V I I ---- (BUTTON)
© Garrison Keillor 2002