(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: What can you do if there's something you have to do and you really don't want to? You know you're not good at lying.
SS: I, uh------ I got this, uh, phone call from this person I know ---- another woman, actually ---- and I made plans with her to have lunch that day. Wednesday. Or Thursday. Whichever day your soccer game is on, honey. So----- anyway.
GK: You can't do it, so you're stuck. (OUTDOOR CROWD AMBIENCE) You have to attend the company picnic.
TR (ON P.A.): I am Herbert W. Brownell, president of Applied Resource Systems and I just want to say: Let the fun begin. (CROWD HUBBUB)
GK: You're trapped with your fellow workers many of whom really should not be wearing shorts (SS DEEP: Hi.), and you have to endure the recreation (TK: The three-legged race is starting! Everybody over here!) and the techies are all standing around comparing laptops (GEEK VOICES) and the marketing people are off in the bushes making calls on their cellphones (SERIOUS VOICES, ON PHONE. CELLPHONE RING) and middle management is discussing (PONDEROUS VOICE) the fact that the three-legged race furthers the goal of interrelatedness and synergy, and there you are, and you just wish somebody would come around with the big buckets of Kool-Aid and make you drink it.
SS: The story of my life! Hopelessly trapped at yet another convention of idiots!
GK: Or is there a way out? (STING)
SS: Is there??
GK: Yes. You can do as you did when you were a kid, and get sick. People respect sickness. And if you're not sick, you can still go in for tests. At the Marrow Clinic.
(BRIDGE)
SS: I can't come to the company picnic, Mr. Detwiler. I have to go in for tests. On my bone marrow.
TR: Oh my gosh! Ellen----- are you all right?
SS: I'm going to beat this, Mr. Detwiler.
TR: Is this the same Marrow Clinic you went to back in December when we had the Christmas party?
SS: They think maybe they didn't catch it all. Anyway, I'll be back in on Monday.
TR: Okay. We'll miss you-----
SS: I'll miss you ----- (SOTTO VOCE) like I miss wearing concrete shoes. Thanks, Marrow Clinic.
GK: Which would you rather do? Hang around with idiots (BABBLING) or lie in a nice bed in a quiet room and read a good book and have very nice people take care of you?
TK: How's your bones? Feeling okay?
SS: They feel wonderful.
TK: Good. I'll check back in a couple hours. Did you decide on an entree?
SS: I'd like the endive salad, the rack of lamb --- and could I have that with steamed new potatoes----?
TK: Of course.
SS: And the creme brulee----
TK: Good choice.
GK: The Marrow Clinic-------(PASTORAL MUSIC) in the big white Georgian mansion under the oak trees on the lovely grounds with the long circular drive on the hill overlooking the river. Ask about our weekly rates. (MUSIC OUT)
© Garrison Keillor 2002