(GK: Garrison Keillor; FN: Fred Newman; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
GK: When you go home tonight, take a closer look at your apartment (MANY LOCKS, THEN DOOR OPEN). Don't you need more than a cat (WEAK MEOW) and a tank of guppies (BUBBLER) and cable TV (TV AUDIO) and a coffeemaker (GASPING) to make you happy? Why don't you get---- a hobby?
TR: A hobby! (REVERB) A hobby! (MORE REVERB) A hobby!!!
GK: Suddenly, apartment living is fun again when you drop in at Bob's One-Stop Hobby Shop and look at all the things you can do in just a few hundred square feet. Stamp collecting (TONGUE SQUISH, SLAP ON PAPER) of course and baseball cards (FAST SHUFFLE OF DECK) and clock building (CUCKOO) ---- and apartment archery (ARROW SWOOSH/ TWANG IN TARGET) and air-hockey for you and your cat (BWACKBWACKS, CAT EFFORT) and a model railroad (MINIATURE ENGINE) and with the use of a window vent for the furnace ---- glass blowing. (ROARING FIRE). In just weeks, you'll be creating lovely glass gifts for friends (BLOWING AIR) right in your apartment. And use leftovers for indoor target practice (SHOT- BREAKING GLASS). Or how about woodworking? Most power tools are designed for guys with big basements and triple garages, but at Bob's One-Stop Hobby Shop we have tools that store easily in a closet. Our combination skill saw (SAW), router (BUZZING ROUTER) drill press (DRILL) and sander (SANDER SH-SH-SH) and spray painter (SPRAY), folds up into a small brown suitcase. And how about bathtub snorkeling. (BREATHING WITH MASK) Make your apartment fun again. Visit Bob's One-Stop Hobby Shop on East 14th Street.
TR: I was all set to leave New York and move back to Toledo and then I discovered that I can make plaster of Paris moldings and paint them --- right in my apartment. And display them in glass cases. Now I have more than 4000 realistic plaster moldings of animals, cars, landscapes, American presidents, and scenes from the Bible. Right in my apartment!
GK: Don't let the size of your apartment limit your enjoyment. This month at Bob's, we're offering the one-room golf driving range. You simply remove pictures from the walls and other breakable objects and tee up your ball and (SWING, RAPID SERIES OF RICOCHETS AND CAROMS) work on your swing ---- right in your apartment. That's Bob's One-Stop Hobby Shop. On East 14th.
© Garrison Keillor 2002