(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith)
GK: And now our sound-effects man Mr. Tom Keith, winner of the coveted Ptui Award of the A.R.S.E., the Academy of Radio Sound Effects ----
TK: Actually, four Ptui Awards.
GK: Winner of four coveted Ptui Awards, awarded for excellence in sound effect production-----
TK: Excellence and creativity ----
GK: Right. Tom Keith now presents a story in sound entitled----- One Day in March
TK: One Day at the End of March.
GK: One Day at the End of March.
(SNOW FALLING, LIGHT WHISPER OF WIND)
GK: It had been a quiet winter, with snow falling and a great hushed silence hanging over the snowy landscape. In the chickenhouse, the chickens slept on their roosts, even the roosters (CHICKEN SNORING). The orange cat slept in a patch of sunlight on the rug (CAT SNORING), ignoring the chickadee who flew to the bird feeder (WINGS) and the jet airliner flying high in the sky.(VERY DISTANT JET) Once in awhile, the Hooper boy Junior went skating around the frozen pond. (SKATING) He was a quiet boy without many friends, except for the orange cat and the dog Freckles.(PANTING, JINGLE OF COLLAR) Freckles was a Lutheran sheep dog, and he never barked.
GK: He just stood around (DOG BREATHS) watching his breath in the cold air. Nearby, in the convent, Sister Felicia sat in the library and read from the Psalms (PAGE TURN), and (WHAM)
TK: She dropped her book on the floor.
GK: Who?
TK: The nun in the library.
GK: Oh.
TK: She dozed off and dropped her book. Now she bends down (CREAK) and picks it up.
GK: When she turned the page too loudly (LOUDER PAGE TURN), the librarian, Sister Hilda, rapped her pencil (RAPPING) and pointed to the sign that said, "Silence." Here, in the order of St. Marilyn, all the nuns had taken a vow of silence. They wore shoes with rubber soles (QUIET FOOTSTEPS) and used soft plastic dishes so if you dropped one (LIGHT THUD), it didn't matter. And the clocks were electric, so they didn't tick. (QUIET HUM) They hummed. And at night, if a nun snored, (SLIGHT SNORT) a black mark was put beside her name (SQUISH) and a nun with ten black marks was sent up to the attic to deal with the bats. (BATS)
In the twilight, long shadows thrust across the snow, and the silence of nightfall fell, except for the occasional chickadee flying to the feeder(LIGHT FLUTTER OF WINGS). Otherwise, nothing. Stillness. (SNOWMOBILE ZOOMS PAST)
TK: Snowmobile.
GK: And then, slowly, imperceptibly at first, the snow began to melt. (DRIPPING) Snow melted on the convent roof. The creek rose (WATER ROAR) and fish jumped (FISH) and Freckles ran around and rolled in the dirt (JINGLE OF COLLAR, PANTING, DOG PLEASURE) and the sump pump quietly (MOTOR THROBBING) drained the basement and Junior's dad, Old Man Hooper, started painting his garage. (FAST STROKES WITH PAINTBRUSH) And finished it. And left it to dry. This is the paint drying on the garage.
And then, in the distance, a familiar sound----- (DISTANT SHRILL CRIES) it's the great blue herons making their annual return to Minnesota.(SHRILL CRIES GET CLOSER) Every year, around the feast day of St. Rosemary, the great blue herons return and all the sisters gather in the convent garden to watch the great blue birds fly in low over the trees(SHRILL CRIES) on their great blue wings, and land on the convent pond (SERIES OF CRIES, SPLASHES). One after another they land, and then Sister Felicia notices one bird that is not blue. It's pink. (EXCITED LADYLIKE WHISPERING, TITTERING) And despite her vow of silence, Sister Felicia cannot help but exclaim:
SS: It's a flamingo!
GK: A flamingo.
SS: It's a pink flamingo.
GK: She had not heard her own voice in so long, she wasn't sure what it sounded like, but for a silent voice, it's not bad. (SS TENTATIVE VOCALIZING: Mi mi mi mi mi) And suddenly the woods were alive with birds. (JUNGLE BIRDS) And lawnmowers.(STARTER PULL, PULL AGAIN, PULL AGAIN AND START) And hedge trimmers. (TWO TRIES AND START) And garden tractors (TWO TRIES AND START). And Junior let out a big whoop. (WHOOPEE) And the rooster was awakened (ROOSTER CROW). And for the first time in years, Freckles barked. (WOOFS) And the orange cat leaped up on Old Man Hooper's lap (MEOW) and hung on. (CRY OF PAIN) And Sister Felicia reached under her black habit for several rockets she kept under there. (THREE ROCKETS) And the pink flamingo, who had always thought of herself as a heron and who spoke heronese and was loyal to heronism, looked around at the bright cheerful world and let out the cry of a flamingo(THREE SHRILL TWO-NOTE CRIES) which echoed off the convent wall. (ECHOES)
GK: "One Day at the End of March" with our sound effects man Tom Keith, the winner of four coveted Ptui awards. (MUSIC PLAYOFF)
© Garrison Keillor 2002