(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
......brought to you by the Catchup Advisory Board. (MUSIC)
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Our oldest son, Jim, Jr., has pretty much given up being a songwriter and now he's working at a job that people pay him to do and our daughter Jolene is on a new medication that keeps her from calling up and screaming at us. I managed to replace the pens I'd stolen at the office just before the FBI arrived and arrested fifteen of my co-workers, which means that I got promoted to vice-president and I never have to work ever again. And Barb went to get forty bucks out of an ATM machine and it gave her forty thousand. A whole shopping bag full of twenties. So we had a good Christmas. Just the two of us in our condo. And then the day after Christmas, Barb turned to me and said----
SS: Are we happy, Jim? I mean, really happy?
TR: Sure.
SS: Are you sure? I mean, how happy are people our age supposed to be? What's the baseline? Is it enough to be comfortable and fairly content with your lot in life, or is a person supposed to have joyous moments when you hear music and your heart is filled with awe and you sit right down and write a poem?
TR: (PAUSE) I don't know. I guess it depends on the person.
SS: I mean, was there a point on Christmas Eve when you were absolutely filled with wonder?
TR: Well----- I wouldn't say "filled." I think I was probably down a few quarts.
SS: Me, too. Maybe we need to get more joy out of life.
TR: When I hear music, often it's from an old Coke commercial.
SS: Maybe we need to sell the condo and move to a cabin in the woods and start doing pottery. Bowls and plates and pots and stuff.
TR: Barb, the world doesn't need any more homemade pots right now, especially not ones made by us. Really.
SS: We could move to a cabin in the woods and pretty soon there'd be a whole community of us there in the woods, making our pots, making music, sharing our gifts, and we'd go out and lie down in front of bulldozers and prevent multinational corporations from desecrating the wildness of the spirit places, and we'd make a difference in the world.
TR: You've been talking to your cousin in Madison, haven't you---
SS: She sent me a beautiful Christmas card on home-made paper colored with dyes made from berries and flowers---- and she wrote: "May this blessed season fill you with light as you continue your journey." Isn't that beautiful?
TR: Barb, I think it's time we got back to catchup. Catchup contains natural mellowing agents that serve as an emotional reference point so we don't go overboard and burn our bridges. What do you say we warm up some of that Christmas turkey and put some catchup on it?
SS: Oh, Jim-----
RD (SINGS): These are the good times, living here in Madison,
Lots of places make me happy but this is the one I'm gladdest in.
Joy is flowing, like if your daughter-in-law went to the hospital and had a son.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD (SINGS): Catchup.....Catchup.....
GK: A message from the Catchup Advisory Board.
© Garrison Keillor 2001