(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
GK: ...brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council (DUCKS), and here for duct tape is international supermodel, Cynthia Maxwell.
SS: How do you become a supermodel with a body that is, like, totally awesome? One, you work out like every day, and two, you maintain a special diet of appetite suppressants and food-like substances, and three, you learn how to throw your head back and laugh like this ---- (MODEL LAUGH) ---- which is part of being a supermodel, you're like wading into the ocean surf in these casual cargo pants and you have to throw your head back and laugh, over and over, even though the water is, like, euuuuuuu, cold and you're on, like your sixteenth pair of casual cargo pants and throwing your head back and laughing (MODEL LAUGH) for three hours like the world is your, like, oyster or something.....how do I make myself laugh? I think about Grand Forks where I grew up and where there are all these women who have, like, major swimsuit issues.....And you see them in low rider jeans and cut off shirts, and like, it's not a pretty sight. I mean, you like look into the hole their belly button went down, and you're going, like, WHOA, I mean, how much pie did you just eat? I mean, like, do not wear hip huggers without checking with someone you totally totally trust. Unless you have flesh colored duct tape. A couple of strips can, like, give you an abdomen that is like, taut. I mean, like, really.
GK: Yes, before you change your look, check with a close friend. And if you can't exercise every day, flesh colored duct tape can help. A message from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS)
Duct tape, it's almost the only thing you need sometimes.
© Garrison Keillor 2001