(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
This is Colonel W. Murray McAlpine, chairman of the Metropolitan Leaf Control Commission.
TR: It is that time of year in the Metro area when the deciduation of our deciduous trees scatters leaves across our lawns, driveways, and sidewalks, and it's time to get out there and rake them up and put them into plastic bags for our M.L.C. trucks to pick up and dump in Wisconsin. In the past, we've gotten very good cooperation from about 95% of you and it's the others I want to talk to now and you know who you are. Your yard is full of leaves up to your ankles and you postpone and you postpone and sure enough it rains and the leaves compress into a sodden mass and then the wind comes up the next day and blows this disgusting crud onto your neighbors' lawns, and I suppose you expect them to clean up your mess, don't you. Yes, you do. You think you can waltz off like you were royalty or something and other people are supposed to be your servants ---- well, maybe it's time you thought different. I tell you, some of you don't have the brains that God gave geese. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO WAKE UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY??? HUH? THOSE ARE YOUR TREES, THOSE ARE YOUR LEAVES, SO RAKE EM UP. I MEAN IT. I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE. ---- This is Colonel W. Murray McAlpine from the Metropolitan Leaf Control Commission. Have a nice day.
© Garrison Keillor 2001