(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
...we'll be back right after this word from the Fearmonger's Shoppe, serving all your phobia needs since 1953.
SS: Thousands of you have been calling the Fearmonger's Shoppe lately, apprehensive, on edge, and we certainly share your concerns. In fact, we've been thriving on them for years. What can you do? Use common sense. Go to the southwest corner of your basement. Never open a letter that's written in a foreign language, especially one with a different alphabet. Vacuum floors and furniture twice daily, to pick up any loose dust or powder. Iron your sheets and pillowcases with the iron turned to High so as to kill off deadly microbes. Drink water from different faucets in the house and vary the pattern. Organize your spice rack in alphabetical order so that no stranger can introduce containers of deadly stuff without your knowledge. Don't always take the same route home from the grocery store --- make some sharp turns to throw off pursuers.
GK: A message from the Fearmonger Shoppe. Find us on the Web at
www.uh-oh.com.
© Garrison Keillor 2001