(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell; ER: Erica Rhodes)
(THREE PEOPLE IN A BACKYARD, LOOKING UP AT THE STARS)
SS: What a beautiful summer night.
GK: It sure is.
SS: So good to have Deirdre home from college for the summer.
ER: It's great to be here, Mom.
SS: To feel like a family again.
GK: Yeah.
SS: I was reading an article about how families are so important in giving each other the emotional grounding that lets each of us fulfill our destiny----- in the world.
GK: Interesting. So you guys make it possible for me to write a memoir.
SS: You? A memoir???? About what???
GK: Maybe I'll think of something.
SS: I was thinking of Deirdre---- going to New York to be an actress ---
ER: I'm not going to be an actress, Mom. I'm going into dry cleaning.
SS: What?
ER: All these new non-toxic solvents. It's so exciting.
SS: I thought you wanted to go into theater.
ER: Dry cleaners today are still using perchlorethylene, a terrible pollutant and probably a carcinogen but now there's a movement toward an environmentally-safe hydrocarbon-based solvents ----
SS: You were so good as Ophelia----
ER: Perchlorethylene is destroying the ozone layer --- someone needs to show that we can have clean garments without ruining the world we live in.
GK: She wants to go into dry cleaning.
SS: Shut up! Who asked you? ---- Honey, I've been in your room, I've seen your closet! I just can't see you making a career out of folding clothes and putting them on hangers........
ER: I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE THEATER!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME??? I'M NOT GOING INTO THE THEATER!!! IT'S ALL OVER WITH ME AND THE THEATER!!! DONE! FINI! LA BASTA! This isn't about me. It's about clean air and clean ground water. I'M GOING TO BE A DRY CLEANER AND OPEN MY OWN SHOP! Deirdre's Dry Cleaning. I'll clean for you. I'll press for you. I'll even DYE for you!
SS: Oh my God. (SHE WEEPS) My child. A dry cleaner. (SHE BLOWS NOSE) Very well. I had hoped you'd be an actress, but---- so be it. Remy!?? Remy??? (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
TR: (FRENCH)
GK: Who's this, Barbara?
SS: He's my very special friend. Someone who understands me. Someone I want to share the rest of my journey with.
GK: Okay.
SS: And this is my lawyer, Sheldon.
TK: Hello, Mr. Barnes. Here's the divorce papers. Just sign here......and here. (SIGNATURES) Good. (STAMPS IT THREE TIMES) And there's your copy. (RIP) And have a good day. (FOOTSTEPS AWAY)
SS: I'm going to Paris. Goodbye. (AIR KISSES) Goodbye, dear. (FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSE)
GK: They said it was supposed to rain. Doesn't look like it will though.
ER: You feel bad?
GK: Yeah, some.
ER: You're not devastated by her leaving?
GK: Naw.
ER: You two were married for a long time.
GK: Yeah. How old are you?
ER: Nineteen.
GK: We were married a little over nineteen years.
ER: You don't think you're going to miss her?
GK: I will. And yet I think that my missing her will make my memoir even richer.
ER: How can you say that?
GK: It's true. I'm an English major, darling. Every loss is a pure asset. It gives you an emotional richness and depth, you simply can't get any other way.
TR (ANNC): Yes, if you're an English major you know there are no bad experiences. Everything is material.
GK: Great literature is not about happiness. It's about grief and loss.
TR (ANNC): And as an English major you get to put it all into the third person.
GK: "He sat looking up at the Milky Way as his ex-wife got into the Peugeot with her French lover and all he could think of was how now at last he'd be able to buy that rider mower with the green umbrella with all the money he'd save by having his daughter do his dry cleaning."
TR (ANNC): A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.
(MUSIC OFF)
© Garrison Keillor 2001