O here's to the children who grew up too soon,
Who all graduated one morning in June
Lindsay and Megan and Kevin and Sean
We gave them their presents and then they were gone.
We're sorry for all the wrong things that we did---
We really meant well and we sure love you, kid.
And as we drive home, your old mother and I
Will think of your sweet face and sit here and cry.
But soon we are finished, we've run out of tears.
And we'll look ahead to our post-parent years
When we'll spend your inheritance to the last dime
And have ourselves a remarkable time.
This lady and I we were once paramours
I've seen her around cleaning toilets and floors
I remember her skin so pale and so soft
I intend to take up right where we left off.
We'll be lovers once more and not cops and chauffeurs
We'll enjoy all the foods to which you were averse
We'll have oysters and artichokes and a nice steak tartare
As we listen to Jerry Garcia's guitar.
(GUITAR BREAK)
We've thrown all our parenting books away
We're done with youth groups and the P.T.A.
Ten years of soccer reach a merciful end
And we'll never ever go camping again.
So good luck to you, kid, great to see you today.
Hope to see you for Christmas, but if not, that's okay.
Here's a check for ten bucks, don't spend it all at once.
And now we're off to Paris for a couple of months.
© Garrison Keillor 2001