(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
GK: Let's listen to Megan Flanagan, as she talks about how she copes with all the demands of her busy life.
SS: I have four children, 18, 15, 13, and 8, and it takes up a lot of time just to be there for them and make sure they get the things they need. And then I have my job as a Roman Catholic priest. The church doesn't ordain women, so I have to lower my voice and clear my throat like a guy. (THROAT CLEAR) And wear big black shoes. But the priesthood doesn't pay much, so in the evening I dance at a nightclub and men throw $10 bills at me and that's what will put my kids through college. And then I have to get up and fix breakfast. How do I do it? I eat the right foods, I maintain a positive outlook, and to help keep a positive outlook, I use a lot of drugs.
TR: Yes, if your life is stressful, you need the right pharmaceuticals to get you going and keep you going. Ask your doctor what medications he's on. Maybe those would work for you too. If you're not using drugs now, maybe you should be. Everybody else is. Why aren't you?
GK: I never felt that I needed to, I guess.
TR: You didn't think you needed to?
GK: I was afraid they'd affect my personality.
TR: Your personality?
GK: Yeah.
TR: What is it?
GK: Well, okay, I have what you'd call a quiet personality.
TR: A quiet personality. Another term might be (REVERB) DEPRESSION.
GK: I'm not depressed. I'm just laid back.
TR: Any more laid back, you'd be in the ground. You're the kind of guy people take with them when they want to be alone. With the right medication, you could start to scintillate.
GK: I just want to be myself.
TR: In your case, I'm not sure that's a good idea. How about a little anti-depressant?
GK: I don't think so.
TR: Have you ever scintillated?
GK: I was told I'd go blind if I did.
TR: So you haven't then. Have you ever shown flashes of brilliance? Sparkles? Twinkles? Even a dull glow? Reflections?
GK: I'm from Minnesota. Lutheran people. We're not big on entertainment, you know.
TR: I sensed that.
GK: Personal character is more important to us.
TR: Character: Another term for (REVERB) depression. How about a couple aspirin?
GK: You think it'd help?
TR: Couldn't hurt. Pharmaceuticals: they're not just for sick people anymore. A message from the American Pharmaceutical Foundation.
(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor