(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
....and our winner and our second- and third-place runner-ups will receive as a special prize---- (CHICKEN) ---- yes, this handsome chicken from Sid's Hatchery, home of the famous Plymouth Rockette Performing Show Chicken.....take it from me, Carson Wyler, it's a great thing to have talent but there's nothing that works with an audience like having a performing animal. You can have great material, costumes, lights, everything, but there comes a point in every performance when the audience thinks to itself,
SS: Okay, fine.... but where's the chicken?
GK: And that's when you want to have a Performing Show Chicken from Sid's.......(CHICKEN).......this chicken can sing (CHICKEN DOES FIRST EIGHT BARS OF "DANNY BOY"), this chicken can dance (CHICKEN DANCING), this chicken can do a backflip (CHICKEN FLURRY), this chicken does impressions----- of Jimmy Stewart..... (JIMMY STEWART).......of Jimmy Cagney(KIRK), of Maria Callas (CHICKEN SINGING).......and the chicken does magic----- it pulls a rabbit out of a hat (POP).......
TR: Oy vey---- where am I?
GK: Sorry. Pulls a rabbi out of a hat. ----I know that you young performers have a dream and you want to believe in yourself, in your vision, your dream, your art, and that's fine, and yet, the best show you ever went to ---- afterward, they're saying:
SS: It was good. I liked it. It's only too bad there wasn't a chicken.
GK: Sid's Hatchery, home of the Plymouth Rockette Performing Show Chicken. (CHICKEN SINGING) No chicken was harmed in the making of this commercial.
(CHICKEN SQUAWK)
(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor