(GK: Garrison Keillor, RD: Rich Dworsky)
.....brought to you by Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK: You're in a restaurant in Dublin and (RESTAURANT AMBIANCE) you've finished your lunch ----
JOE: How about dessert today, sir?
GK: Could I ask you a question? What were those little black pellets in my lunch?
JOE: Pellets? You mean the black pudding?
GK: Black pudding!
JOE: Yes. Made from sheep's blood.
GK: Blood????
JOE: Indeed. We hang the sheep by its hind legs and cut its throat----
GK: But I said I was vegetarian!
JOE: I thought you said Rastafarian. (STING)
GK: So you faint and fall face first into your water glass (GLASS BREAKAGE) and you're taken to the hospital and sent to surgery where you wake up just as they're inserting the catheter (POP) and the nurse is leaning over you --- (DEIRDRE: We're going to begin the hernia operation in a moment, Mr. Callaghan. I'm going to start the muscle relaxant now.)
GK: No, no---- my hernia is just fine. My name isn't Callaghan.
DEIRDRE: Don't get yourself all upset. Try to relax, love. ---- Here comes the surgeon now. (HORSES HOOVES APPROACHING, WHINNY, MAN DISMOUNTS AND APPROACHES)
JOE: Afternoon. Brendan Doyle's the name. Let me just check your hernia. (GK GASP OF PAIN) Yeah, it's a nasty one all right. ----
GK: That's not a hernia, that's my BILLFOLD.
JOE: You won't be needing a general anesthetic, will you? Big strapping lad like yourself. I'll just go wash up and we'll get started. (MAN'S FOOTSTEPS AWAY, DOOR CLOSE)
GK: He's the surgeon?
DEIRDRE: Something of an outdoorsman, isn't he.
GK: I've never been operated on by a man in riding boots.....
DEIRDRE: Oh, and here's Father O'Malley to visit with you before we open you up.
GK: A priest? But I'm Protestant-----
FRANK: Oh, that's no problem, no problem. We'll just give you the last rites as if you were Catholic and we'll let God sort it out, all right?
GK: The nurse rolled me out into the hall.
DEIRDRE: Take it easy, Mr. Callaghan.
GK: The name isn't Callaghan. It's Keillor.
DEIRDRE: Spell that, please.
GK: K-e-i-l-l-
DEIRDRE: K-e-l-l-y ----- Oh. Sorry. It's not a hernia operation, it's a prostate. I'll go tell the doctor. (WOMAN'S FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING, DOOR CLOSE) (RHUBARB THEME VAMP)
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie. Yes, nothing gets the taste of horror and humiliation out of your mouth like Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
One little thing can revive a guy,
And that is home-made rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.