(GK: Garrison Keillor, RD: Rich Dworsky, TK: Tom Keith, AP: Alice Playten)
GK: This is the song that Jack sang
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the dog
who hated the song that Jack sang. (BARKS)
RD & GK: Gloria
This is the cat
who swore at the dog (HISS)
who hated the song that Jack sang. (BARKS)
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the man
On whose lap (TK: There, there)
Sat the cat who swore at the dog (CAT)
who hated the song (BARK)that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the glass of expensive Sancerre
that was dropped by the man (TK: There, there.)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the lady who stood on the chair
who heard the crash of the glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the beautiful glass star
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the Sancerre (CRASH)
dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the man who spat out his prawn (SFX)
Who the crystal star landed upon (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the Sancerre (CRASH)
dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the man who was giving a yawn (SFX)
And in his mouth he caught the prawn(SFX),
A hot and spicy Szechuan prawn
Spat by the man the star landed on (TK GRUNT)
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the Sancerre (CRASH)
dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the lady dressed in white (AP: LA LA)
Trimming the tree on Saturday night
Who was struck by the cup of cinnamon tea (AP CRY)
Thrown by the man in agony (SHRIEK)
Into whose yawn came the Szechuan prawn (GULP)
Spat by the man the star dropped on (GRUNT)
From the lady (AP: Oh dear!) who heard the crash of Sancerre (CRASH)
dropped by the man (GASP)
and scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the table she landed on (CRASH & CRUNCH),
The lady in white on Saturday night
Trimming the tree and struck by the man (AP CRY)
Who swallowed the prawn spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady (AP: Oh dear!) who heard the Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
The lady in white on Saturday night (AP CRY)
Trimming the tree and the agony (SHRIEK)
Of the Szechuan prawn spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady (AP: Oh dear!) who heard the crash of the
glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is her dress of purest white (TK LADY: Oh dear)
That was lit by the candle burning bright
On the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Hit by the man with the prawn in the yawn (YAWN)
Spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is her in a terrible fright
When she ran naked into the night (AP RUNNING, SINGING HIGH NOTE) Having lost her dress of purest white (AP: Oh NO!)
That was lit by the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Struck by the man with the Szechuan prawn
Spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the man at the Good Shepherd home (GEEZER)
Who saw her naked and all alone
Running into the winter night (AP RUNNING, SINGING HIGH NOTE)
Having lost her dress of purest white (AP: Oh NO)
That was lit by the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Hit by the man with the Szechuan prawn (SHRIEK)
Spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: This is the geezer who saw the nude
And whispered a prayer of gratitude (TK GEEZER: Thank you,Lord!)
She was running past in the winter night (AP RUNNING,
SINGING HIGH NOTE)
Having lost her dress of purest white (AP: Oh NO)
That was lit by the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Pushed by the man in agony (SHRIEK)
Who swallowed the prawn spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: And this is the angel of death who flew (WINGS)
Down to the man who saw the nude
And whispered a prayer of gratitude (TK GEEZER: Thank you,Lord!)
As she ran by naked in the night (AP RUNNING, SINGING HIGH NOTE)
Having lost her dress of white (AP: Oh NO)
Lit by the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Pushed by the man with the Szechuan prawn
That flew in his mouth just as he yawned (SFX)
Spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
RD & GK: Gloria
GK: And here is the song the angels sing
Whenever a suffering soul they bring
To sit at God's table and feast on his food
Their youth restored and their faith renewed,
Including the man filled with gratitude (TK GEEZER: Thank you,Lord!)
For the sight of the nude on the winter night (AP RUNNING,
SINGING HIGH NOTE)
Having lost her dress of white (AP: Oh NO)
Lit by the candle burning bright
That stood on the table she landed on (AP CRY, CRASH & CRUNCH)
Pushed by the man with the Szechuan prawn (SHRIEK)
That flew in his mouth just as he yawned (SFX)
Spat by the man the star fell on (TK GRUNT),
Dropped by the lady on the chair (AP: Oh dear!)
who heard the crash of the glass of Sancerre (CRASH)
that was dropped by the man (GASP)
who was scratched by the cat (CAT)
who swore at the dog (BARK)
who hated the song that Jack sang.
ALL: Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oria In excelsis deo.
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor