(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell; RD: Rich Dworsky)
....back right after this message from the Ketchup Advisory Board.
(MUSIC)
TR: It was a good Thanksgiving for Barb and me. The kids decided not to come home and we managed to avoid going to Barb's sister's by telling her that we had diarrhea. So we got to stay home and watch cable TV and catch up on some shows we'd missed due to work. We did a turkey breast in the microwave, and you know? It was about like turkey always is. Had some little pouches of sweet potatoes and a frozen pumpkin pie ---- it was a wonderful Thanksgiving for us, and then late last night I noticed Barb was sitting in the kitchen weeping...(SS QUIET SOBBING, THEN NOSE BLOW) Barb? Is something wrong?
SS: Oh, the holidays always get me down, I guess.
TR: What's wrong?
SS: I feel unfulfilled, Jim. My life just has no purpose.
TR: You're married to me, isn't that something?
SS: Jim, I think I want to become a storyteller.
TR: A storyteller?
SS: We are our memories, Jim. If we don't tell our stories, then what is life for? I want to be a truth-teller, Jim. Would that bother you if I did that?
TR: No, that's fine.
SS: I want to tell the story of a woman whose talents were never encouraged and who married a man who took her for granted and they had two rotten kids who sucked the life out of her and how at the age of 43 she is just now starting to feel like a human being again.
TR: Okay.
SS: And I want to talk about my longstanding crush on Vern the man who changes my oil and lubes my car.
TR: Really.
SS: Ten years I've managed to keep my lust for his body under control.
TR: The heavy-set guy down at the garage---
SS: I would never act on it because I don't want to hurt you, but yes. That's why I've been getting an oil change every couple hundred miles. It's my way of escaping from marriage to a man who's incapable of expressing feelings.
TR: And your mechanic is?
SS: In his own way, yes. When he crawls under my car and opens it up and drains the oil, I just feel this tremendous sense of release.
TR: And you're going to tell stories about this?
SS: Would you mind?
TR: Barb, I wonder if you're getting enough ketchup. Ketchup, you know, plays an important role in diet that nutritionists are just beginning to understand. It contains essential nutrients that seem to promote common sense. And, of course, natural mellowing agents that do so much to help keep us stable.
SS: Maybe that's what I need. More ketchup.
TR: I think maybe so, Barb.
RD (SINGS): These are the good years, watching the sun rise,
Watching the wild geese in the clear blue skies,
The river flowing like ketchup on French fries.
GK: Ketchup....for the good times.
RD (SINGS): Ketchup.....
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor