(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
.....brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. She took a sick day from work and she was called up by an oldies station and she managed to name three hit songs by the Chickadees and also the name of their lead singer, Louanne Nissen, and we won an all-expenses paid trip to Cleveland and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and Barb met Bobby Vee who said she didn't look a day over thirty and on the flight home a flight attendant poured hot coffee in my lap and we got 100,000 free miles. But the next night I found Barb in the kitchen, drinking a cherry Coke and listening to her Walkman and crying---- What's wrong, Barb?
SS: Oh, I just feel so bad.
TR: About what? What are you listening to?
SS: The Chickadees. I love their albums just like I did when I was 16, both of them, "Crying Time" and "Lost Without Your Love." But I can't thinking about all that those girls went through. My gosh. Myrlette lost her voice when she breathed too much hair spray and Deanna had that terrible accident when her underarm deodorant caught on fire, and then Luanne got the big head and decided it should be Luanne & The Chickadees and she replaced Myrlette with Marie who couldn't carry a tune in a paper sack and poor Deanna got that terrible eating disorder where just her legs got incredibly fat so she looked like a seagull sitting on pilings, and--- it was just one thing after another.
TR: Barb----
SS: And they got robbed by their record company and the film deal never happened on account of Deanna's big legs and their accountant ran off with their money and then the Beatles came over and nobody wanted girl groups anymore ---- I just wonder if somehow they knew when they recorded "Crying Time" how hard it'd be. The bad marriages, the drug problems, the thousands they spent on flocked wallpaper and shag carpetting. And now Luanne is a chicken plucker in Shreveport.
TR: Barb----
SS: I mean, isn't that terrible? A former big star in a slinky sparkly gown and now she's tearing the feathers off chickens? It's so sad. I don't know why I care but I do.
TR: Barb----
SS: I feel like they're old girlfriends of mine and every choice they ever made was the wrong choice. How can I help them?
TR: Barb, why don't we send each one of the Chickadees a big bottle of heritage ketchup. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that work to comfort people and help them make good choices. Just like I made when I married you.
SS: I love you, Jim.
TR: I love you, honey. What do you say we boil ourselves a couple of wieners?
RD (SINGS): These are the good times, a summer paradise.
Lying on the green grass and looking at the skies.
Life is mellow, like ketchup on french fries.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor