(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
. . . Brought to you by Bertha's Kitty Boutique. (MEOW) (SMASH & SHATTER)
TR: Hey, you stupid cat! What do you think you're doing? (MEOW) You know what a cat frisbee is? Huh? You want to find out? (CAT NEGATIVE)
(TRANSITION CHORD)
GK: It can be frustrating dealing with a cat who's acting out its personal issues and that's when it's time to head for Bertha's Cat Clinic. Bertha's believes in changing the dynamic of the relationship --- from possession ---- to partnership --- and producing the Total Quality Cat. (MEOW)
SS: You are a cat. (CAT AGREEMENT)
SS: A higher power has made you a cat. (CAT THOUGHT AND AGREEMENT)
SS: But you are responsible for choosing to be the cat that you are.
(CAT THOUGHT)
SS: Visualize the cat you want to be. (CAT SNARL) Okay, fine, but that cat is a cat who hunts its own food outdoors. And sleeps outdoors in trees. (CAT CONCERN) And one night while that cat is sleeping, a big cougar comes and wallops that cat and breaks its neck (CAT FEAR) and eats that cat for dinner, leaving only its little skeleton scattered on the ground. (CAT WEEPING) Now visualize the cat who is petted and fed every day and gets to sleep on the couch. (CAT MEOW) The cat who lives in the house where no cougars come. (CAT MUSICAL MEOW) The cat who is sometimes fed fish. (CAT SINGING MEOW) And raw hamburger. (CAT SINGING MEOW HIGHER NOTE) Yes, that cat. The Total Quality Cat. (CAT AGREEMENT)
GK: There are no bad cats---only good cats doing dumb things. They can become Total Quality Cats at Bertha's TQC Clinic....from Bertha's Kitty Boutique....BKB THEME
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor