(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
....brought to you by Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie and Rhubarb Pie Filling.
You go to a very important meeting at the office (MURMUR OF IMPORTANT PEOPLE) and all the vice-presidents are there and you talk and people seem really impressed by what you have to say (TR: I think we need to get back to basics. Get back to what we do best.) and it feels like a really successful meeting until (FOOTSTEPS) you step into the men's room afterward and (TR GASP) you notice something about your face. (TR: I have stuff coming out of my nose.) Yes, you have a bad nostril situation. (TR: I stood up and said we had to get back to basics and I had stuff dangling from my nose.) No wonder they were so attentive. (TR: What am I going to do?) Maybe this is a good time to go see your Mother. (VIOLIN) (TR: Mom....) Yes, your mom. She's down in Sun City West, you know. How much trouble would it be to take a plane to Phoenix and rent a car and drive to Sun City West and visit your old Mom? (TR: Doggone it. I'm going to do it!) So you fly down (JET LANDING) and you make your way through the airport (PA ANNC, CROWD) and you rent your car (CAR PULL AWAY) and in no time you're pulling up in front of Mom's little beige condo. (CAR BRAKES) And there she is, just getting into her car. And there's a guy with her.
TR: Mom! (FAST FOOTSTEPS)
SS: Howdy, stranger. How ya doin'?
TR: Doing okay, mom. Gosh, I'm glad to see you. How are you?
SS: I'm just fine.
TR: Where's Dad?
SS: He's asleep.
TR: Asleep?
SS: He sleeps a lot. And even when he's awake he's thinking about going back to bed. So I'm dating Irwin. Honey, this is Irwin.
TR: Hi.
TK: Hi, buddy. How y'doin?
SS: We're in sort of a hurry. We're going to a dance at the recreation center.
TR: This is your dance outfit, Mom???
SS: Right. They like the low cut bodice and the petticoats and then I go out and kick up my legs so they can see my underwear. That's what they pay me for.
TR: They pay you to dance?
SS: Every Saturday night.
TR: How much do they pay you, Mom?
SS: The rec center only pays about ten bucks but I get about five hundred from the money that guys stuff in my garter belt.
TR: They do what???
SS: And they put some in my bodice.
TR: I don't want to hear about it, okay? Does dad know about this?
SS: I don't know. I told him. But you know Dad.
TR: Why are you doing this, Mom? --- Stop looking at her like that!
TK: Like what?
TR: Like you know what. That's my mom.
TK: Pretty good-lookin woman, if you ask me.
TR: How can you date a guy when you're married to Dad?
SS: Easy. Your dad won't go out on dates.
TR: But you're my mom, I worship you, I don't like to think of you dancing on a stage and guys reaching up and ----
SS: We don't dance on a stage. We dance on tables.
TR: Oh no!! Oh, why did I come? Why didn't I hold onto my illusions??? I thought you were down here doing macrame and playing parcheesi.
SS: We play strip parcheesi sometimes. (THEME)
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing takes the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth quite like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
One little thing can revive a guy,And that is home-made rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor