(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
.....right after this message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique.
(PIANO)
SS: How do you meet someone? I tried everything. I tried to meet men at church and the only men I met were these terribly needy insecure men.
TR: I'd like to go to dinner with you, I really would, but tonight I'm in my personal growth group, and tomorrow I go to Codependent No More which I would just die if I missed it and then on Friday night Mother and I always go to dinner. And Saturday is Presbyterians Without Partners.
SS: So I went to bars and the men I met there were what you might call socially challenged.....
TR (TV AUDIO ON): Lookit that! Lookit that! Pass interference!! WHAT???? Come on, ref! Whatever happened to pass interference??? HUH? HE WAS ALL OVER HIM! Didja see that? He was all over him! WAKE UP! YOU'RE MISSING A GOOD GAME.
SS: So I met a guy online and he seemed really sweet and sensitive and thoughtful and then I met him for coffee.
TR (RICO): Yeah. I seen ya online and I thought, hey, classy. Y'know? My buddy was with me. Jimmy. Actually he did most of the talking. So----after you pay up, ya wanna go to my place?
SS: So I got active in politics, thinking I'd meet some interesting guys that way....
TR: They've infiltrated the schools, the media, the church, 4-H - -- you ever take a close look at 4-H? Huh? didja? you ever read their oath? Huh? You see the word citizenship in there? Huh? You know what they mean by citizenship? Huh? you ever look into that?
SS: So I joined a folk dance group and the only men I met there were unavailable.
TR: Like you to meet my wife, Sandy.
SS: Some were even more unavailable than others.
TR: Like you to meet my partner, Steve.
SS: And some were Swedish.
TR: (SWEDISH)
SS: So I decided to go to Tai Kwan Doe and meet guys, and I did meet one really nice guy, and unfortunately I broke his nose. (SHE MAKES JUDO CRIES, AND A BIG THRUST, AND A CRACK, AND TR FALLS)
SS: And then I went to Bertha's Kitty Boutique to pick up some Mouse Morsels for my cat, F. Cat Fitzgerald.
TR: Hi. You have a cat?
SS: Yes.
TR: So do I. Her name is Zelda. She really likes these Mouse Morsels.
SS: Really?
TR: She's a great cat. I live alone --- I'm a CEO --- online company ---- live in a nine-room condo --- kind of big for just one guy but I love to cook and I collect antiques ---- anyway, over the past five years I've been gradually getting over my last relationship and my cat has been a real pal ---- and now that I'm thinking of dating again, I want to make sure she doesn't feel threatened.
SS: That's so thoughtful of you.
TR: Have you eaten dinner?
SS: Me? No.
TR: I know a wonderful little French restaurant near here.
SS: Can I bring my cat?
TR: Of course.
GK: A man who likes cats: is there any better sign?
SS: And that's how I met Henry. (SIGH) I'm so happy.
GK: The next time you meet a man, check his pants legs for cat hair. It's a sign of caring. Bertha's.....for persons who care about cats. (THEME)
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor