(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
(INDOOR RESTAURANT AMBIENCE)
SS: Is this table okay?
TR: It's fine.
SS: You wouldn't rather sit in the corner?
TR: You want to sit there?
SS: No, I was thinking you would. It's more private there. You know how other people make you nervous.
TR: I'm fine.
SS: You sure?
TR: Sure.
SS: Gosh, It's been a long time since we've eaten in a place where the servers weren't wearing paper hats.
TR: You like it?
SS: I do. I'm sort of surprised you picked it, that's all. I didn't know you liked French food.
TR: I like everything.
SS: Whenever you take me someplace, it's either Italian or Greek. With the flaming cheese curds. And all-you-can-eat baklava.
TR: Well, I thought you'd like this.
SS: It's fine with me. Boy, I don't know what to order. What a menu. Chateaubriand for two. Looks good, huh?
TR: You want to order that?
SS: No, I'm too fat as it is.
TR: I don't think you're too fat.
SS: Oh, you just say that. You don't even look at me anymore. Maybe I'll just order a salad.
TR: Don't you want to order an entree?
SS: I'm too fat.
TR: You could order fish. That's not fattening.
SS: Why do you say that?
TR: I thought you might like fish.
SS: I hate fish. You know that. I never order fish. When was the last time you saw me order fish? Huh? When? I never eat fish. Never.
TR: Okay. Order a salad then.
SS: I thought you said I wasn't fat.
TR: You're not.
SS: Then why would I just have a salad? I'm starving.
TR: I'll bet the veal is good. You like veal, don't you?
SS: Calves who've been kept chained in the dark all their lives and force-fed? Why would I want to be part of that?
TR: Sorry.
SS: What are you going to have?
TR: I don't know. I was thinking veal.
SS: Don't let me stop you.
TR: No, no. I'll have the pork chops.
SS: Nobody orders pork chops in a French restaurant. Well. Here's the wine. (ASIDE) Thank you. Here's to us, darling. Happy anniversary.
TR: Happy anniversary.
SS: Thanks for remembering.
TR: Hey. No problem.
SS: It's such an important day to me. That's why I went to the hair salon today.
TR: Hey. You did. Right. Nice.
SS: Did you notice?
TR: Of course I noticed.
SS: The color?
TR: Right. It's great.
SS: You like it lighter?
TR: Lighter. Right.
SS: Cause I had it darkened.
TR: Darker! Right.
SS: I had it dyed auburn.
TR: I like that.
SS: What else is different about me?
TR: Let me think. That necklace -
SS: You gave that to me for Christmas.
TR: Oh. Right. That necklace.
(CHORD)
TR (ANNC): Why Men Go Deer Hunting ... because when you're out in the woods with Al and Ed and Rick, none of them ever asks you ... (TK: Which way do you think I should comb my hair? Over the top? Or swept back along the sides? Huh?) A message in the public interest from the American Hunting Association. (SHOTGUN BLAST)
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor