(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
(CHORDS)
GK: Standards of housekeeping vary from one person to another. Women, for example, tend to feel that sheets should be washed every week. Men feel that if the bed smells a little, hey, we're asleep, what's the problem? Women like curtains or drapes, and men like tinfoil taped to the windows. Why fight over these things? Just call in U.S. Dept of Agriculture extension good-taste specialist Donna Anderson to give you an objective opinion.
SS: That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's not good. Paint it or something. Get rid of the plaid recliner. And the rug - that's over now. And get rid of the cat.
GK: If you've spent years nagging and arguing, Donna Anderson can come in and tell you exactly what to do in five minutes or less.
SS: Change the hair, get rid of the mustache, and don't wear funny T-shirts anymore, you're too old for that. And throw away that beanbag chair. And the mirror with the etching of the deer. That was over a long time ago. Nobody has those anymore. And get rid of the cat.
GK: Standards of housekeeping vary. You can fight over it for the rest of your life and never agree. Or you can let Donna Anderson arbitrate for you.
SS: Art Deco sheets do not go in this room. And those prints - the ones of the kids with the huge eyes - nobody has those anymore. The dresser is fine. The couch is okay for now. But your blouse with the landscape painted on it - Where'd you buy that? In an airport gift shop? And the cinnamon candles. Nobody has scented candles anymore.
GK: People have gone through divorce who would still be together today if they'd only called in Donna Anderson, extension good- taste specialist.
SS: And don't sing.
GK: You talking to me?
SS: Don't sing. You sound like asthma set to music.
GK: That's Donna Anderson. Even if you didn't want to know, she'll tell you. Donna Anderson, a service of the U.S. Dept of Agriculture.
SS: I have a master's degree in home economics. (MUSICAL BUTTON)
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor