(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
We'll return to tonight's show after a word from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS) Duct tape. It's one thing that really works.
TR: I been goin out huntin' deer since I was a kid, got my first buck when I was 14, always remember that, and after ten, fifteen years, I donno, the rifle it seemed too easy in a way so I switched to huntin with a bow and arrow, cause it was more of a challenge. Then, about ten years ago, I switched to huntin with just a strip of duct tape and goin hand to hoof, y'might say. The duct tape deer hunting season starts around Labor Day. I pack my huntin' clothes in a plastic bag full of pine boughs for a few weeks and I soak my socks in fox urine, and I paint my face black and brown and I use a mouthwash that makes my breath smell like rotting bark and I hang oak branches on me and cover my shoes with moss and stand there and wait for a buck and when one comes I give a little grunt, kind of a romantic female grunt, and lure him up real close until he's gets eyeball to eyeball and then I jump him and tie him up with duct tape and take a picture of him and let him go. It's catch-and-release hunting. I'm vegetarian. Anyway, last year I was standing there stock still with oak branches hanging on me and moss on my shoes and a game warden walks right up to me and starts to take a leak and I had to yell at him - I yelled HEY! and he fell over and he broke his leg and I had to haul him over my shoulders. Had to carry him two miles to the nearest road. And then I had to get him to the hospital. Problem was, he was a big guy and he couldn't bend his leg and my backseat was full of camping gear, so I had to tie the warden across the hood. Used duct tape. And do you know - fifteen miles we drove on some pretty rough roads and not one strip of duct tape came loose the whole time.
GK: Duct tape ... it's one thing that really works. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor