(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
(MUSIC)
GK: Say, men. Does this happen to you when you try and tell a joke?
TR: (LAUGHING) So this guy and his parrot go into a bar. I forget the name of the bar, but it isn't important. Some bar. Or maybe it's a pub. I don't know. Anyway, the guy orders a martini and he says, "Bring one for my parrot too." No, wait a minute. It's a Manhattan. The joke won't work if it's a martini. So this guy orders a Manhattan, and one for the parrot - actually, it's a snake - Hey, where's everybody going?
GK: If your friends go screaming into the night when you try to tell a joke and your wife pretends she doesn't know you, it could be a sign of Joke Deficiency Disorder. JDD.
TR: Wait! I just remembered the punch line!
GK: Now thanks to modern medicine, there is a cure.
TR: There is?
GK: Yes, brain surgery.
TR: But isn't brain surgery expensive?
GK: Not at MinneMed. MinneMed is the largest health services provider in the Midwest and during our Spring Fling surgery sale, we've slashed prices to rock bottom. Now for only $149.95 you can have your brain cells injected with DNA cloned from the late Henny Youngman.
TR: Wow! What a bargain. But - these surgeons - are they -
GK: Are they certified? Of course, it's safe. Each and every one is a trained professional under the laws of the state of South Dakota.
(MUSIC, CLINK OF SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS)
TK: (HUMMING)
SS: You're going to make the incision there?
TK: Isn't that right?
SS: That's his shoulder.
TK: Oh. How about there?
SS: Better.
TK: Good. Say - who ordered the pastrami?
SS: I did.
TK: Who's got the tuna, and a diet coke? Omigosh. I just dropped my pickle in his cerrebellum!
SS: That's okay. You can have mine.
(MUSIC)
GK: The very next night -(PARTY SFX)
TR: What's wrinkled, brown, and wears a truss? A prune with a hernia.
(BIG LAUGHS)
SS: Oh, Fred. You crack me up.
GK: Why suffer from Joke Deficiency Disorder when MinneMed can solve the problem with a simple brain operation. Offer void where prohibited by pesky consumer watchdog groups.
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor