(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, AR: Arnie Kinsella)
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round,
The wheels on the bus go round and round
All around the town
The driver on the bus goes (SS: STEP TO THE REAR! STEP TO THE REAR! STEP TO THE REAR!
The driver on the bus goes (SS: STEP TO THE REAR)
All around the town
The fiddle on the bus goes (FIDDLE) (FIDDLE) (FIDDLE)
The fiddle on the bus goes (FIDDLE)
All around the town.
The bishop on the bus goes (TR BRIT THROAT CLEAR) (THROAT CLEAR) (THROAT CLEAR)
The bishop on the bus goes (THROAT CLEAR)
All around the town.
The bass on the bus goes (BASS) (BASS) (BASS)
The bass on the bus goes (BASS)
All around the town.
The boss on the bus goes (TK JOWLY MAN GIBBERISH) (GIBBERISH) (GIBBERISH)
The boss on the bus goes (GIBBERISH)
All around the town.
The guitar on the bus goes (GUITAR) (GUITAR) (GUITAR)
The guitar on the bus goes (GUITAR)
All around the town.
Count Basie on the bus goes (PIANO) (PIANO) (PIANO)
Count Basie on the bus goes (PIANO)
All around the town.
The bison on the bus goes (BISON) (BISON) (BISON)
The bison on the bus goes (BISON)
All around the town.
The drummer on the bus goes (DRUMS) (DRUMS) (DRUMS)
The drummer on the bus goes - SS: WAIT! (MUSIC STOP)
AK: What?
SS: You see the sign up here?
AK: "No smoking, no eating or drinking, no radios or tapedecks, no spitting, and no drums"???
SS: That's what it says.
AK: That's not fair. You allow a fiddle and a bass and guitar and this guy brings his piano on the bus and I can't bring my drums?
SS: That's the rule, mister.
AK: What if I play very softly? (SOFT DRUMMING)
SS: Sorry. No drums.
AK: What if I play with extreme softness and delicacy? (ALMOST INAUDIBLE DRUMMING)
SS: Sorry. No drums.
AK: What if I just - hold them?
SS: Sorry. I don't make the rules - (MUSIC, POCO ADAGIO)
GK: So the drummer on the bus got rid of his drums (DRUMS, BUMPING, AS IF UNLOADING) got rid of his drums.....got rid of his drums ...
So the drummer on the bus got rid of his drums and threw them out in the snow. (MUSIC STOP)
(DRUMS THROWN OUT AND CYMBALS)
And the bishop on the bus said (TR BRIT THROAT CLEAR)
And the boss on the bus said (TK JOWLY MAN)
And the bison on the bus went (BISON)
And Count Basie went (PIANO, AND MUSIC AGAIN)
And the bus was bound for Boston, Boston, Boston,
And the bus was bound for Boston,
All around the town.
And a man named Buzz got on the bus, on the bus, on the bus,
A man named Buzz got on the bus,
All around the town.
And Buzz had a basket full of bees, full of bees, full of bees,
And Buzz had a basket full of bees,
All around the town.
And the bees on the bus went (BEES) (BEES) (BEES)
The bees on the bus went (BEES)
All around the town. (STOP)
(TK: BEES! HE SHRIEKS) (MUSIC ACCEL.)
And the wheels on the bus went round and round, round and round, round and round,
And the wheels on the bus went round and round,
All around the town.
(FAST INST VERSE)
And the driver on the bus went (SS: Where's the brakes? where's the brakes? where's the brakes?)
And the driver on the bus went (SS: Where's the brakes?)
All around the town.
And then she realized (SS: No brake drums! no brake drums! no brake drums!)
And then she realized (SS: No brake drums!)
All around the town.
And the bishop on the bus went (TR: HARRUMPHING)
And the boss on the bus went (TK: JOWLY MAN)
All around the town.
And the drummer said (AK: I've got my bongos, got my bongos, got my bongos)
And the drummer said (AK: I've got my bongos)
And he played that bus to a stop.
(BONGO BREAK SOLO VERSE, AND RETARD)
And the people on the bus said (ALL: That's not bad, that's not bad, that's not bad)
For a long drum solo (ALL: That's not bad)
All around the town.
Drive that bus around one more time, one more time, one more time,
Drive that bus around one more time,
All around the town.
(INST. VERSE)
My darling daughter loves this song, loves this song, loves this song,
My darling daughter loves this song,
She loves the song called THE WHEELS ON THE BUS. (AIR BRAKES)
© Garrison Keillor 1998