(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
Coming up later on many of these radio stations ... (SINISTER SUSPENSE ORGAN)
TR: THE VERY BAD BABYSITTER ... (ORGAN STING)
GK: It's Mom and Dad's night out (TR VOCALIZING, OFF-MIKE, IN SHOWER) and they're really looking forward to it, but then (PHONE RING, PICK UP) -
SS: Mother??? What??? You can't come??? (STING)
GK: Grandma can't come and take care of the kiddoes.
SS: We can't go, Bob! Mother's sick -
TR (OFF): Call up Sharon. She'd be glad to babysit.
SS: Sharon??
GK: And a voice in your head says ...
TR: VERY BAD BABYSITTER ... (ORGAN STING)
SS (MOM): Mommy and Daddy are going out to dinner, Melissa, Josh. You be good.
TR (DAD): Be good, Snuggums.
SS (KID): Bye, daddy. Bye, mommy.
TR (KID): Bye, mom. Bye, dad.
SS (MOM): You do what Aunt Sharon says, honey.
TR (DAD): We'll be home soon.
SS (HARDENED): Don't worry about a thing. Melissa and me, we're pals, right?
SS (KID): That's right.
GK: And you go off to dinner and it's your one night out and you try not to think about it ...
SS (MOM): I wonder if I should call home.
TR (DAD): Don't worry. Everything's fine.
GK: Meanwhile, at home ...
TR (KID): Wow, Aunt Sharon! Where'd you get that funny underwear??
SS (HARDENED): You like it, Skippy? This is Aunt Sharon's party outfit. (POURING IN GLASS, ICE) (DOORBELL)
TR (KID): Wow, Aunt Sharon!! There's a couple of guys at the front door!!
SS (HARDENED, FADING): You go upstairs and watch TV, Josh - where's Melissa?
TR (KID): She's looking at stuff in the medicine cabinet.
SS (HARDENED): Oh. Okay. (DOOR OPEN) Hi, Buck. Hi, Big Boy.
TR & TK: Hey, baby. Va va va voom - (THEY LAUGH)
(MUSIC UNDER)
GK: They're good parents, they read all the parenting books, they fed their children the right food, they read aloud to them, they got them into good schools, and then one night, a Very Bad Babysitter -
SS (HARDENED): Me and Buck and Big Boy are gonna - we're gonna go out for a little bit, kids, and you just entertain yourselves, okay?
TR (KID): Okay ...
GK: You protect your child from disease, but one night you have to go to the opera and it's hard to get a babysitter and at the last minute you do -
SS: Gotta run. I'll be home by 11.
TR (DRACULA): You go ahead. Have fun. Little Timmy and I, we'll be just fine. Won't we - (HEINOUS LAUGH). (MUSIC THROBBING)
GK: Coming up later tonight on many of these radio stations. (BIG CRASHING CHORD)
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor