(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
Tonight's show brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council (DUCKS). And now, for duct tape, here's Monica Lewinsky and Linda Tripp.
SS: All I want is to, like, see him - you know? Is that so much? I mean, like the last time - they sneak me in the back, into this, like, study and he comes in and, like, he's got one minute. I mean, one minute. The president of Mexico or something is waiting. I mean, it was, like, so - nothing. I can't even grade it. It was nothing. I mean, what? You know?
TR: This has been so difficult for you.
SS: And I mean, it's like - I mean, his behavior in the past few months has really - really just eroded any - like, any pleasant memory, you know? I have gained nothing from this experience. Nothing.
TR: So terribly difficult.
SS: I'm trying to stay calm and not freak out - and, like, all I want is to see him on Wednesday, and, like, how do I get through? You know what I told him on the phone?
TR: What?
SS: We're saying goodbye and I'm like, all right, I go, "I love you, butthead."
TR: You didn't.
SS: I did.
TR: And what'd he say?
SS: I was like, oh, my God, what just came out of my mouth?
TR: Butthead.
SS: Butthead.
TR: Wow.
SS: I know. He probably hung up and was like, "What?"
TR: Hold on. I have to do something with my answering machine.
SS: Your answering machine?
TR: It was just doing something weird. Anyway -
SS: I mean, I keep saying to myself, "Monica, this is a bad situation. You should not be involved with this person. There's no happiness here for you. You need to get away from it." I mean, I should not be feeling this way right now. You know? I mean, it was hurtful that he didn't call. You know?
TR: It is so unfair to you. So unfair.
SS: You know what's really weird? I keep hearing these double clicks.
TR: That's my gum. I snap my gum.
SS: Oh, OK. -Is there something you're not telling me?
TR: No, like what?
SS: I don't know.
TR: No, you idiot.
SS: I don't know. It's weird. I'm trying to keep it together and I just can't.
TR: This has been so difficult for you. And let me tell you something. Your safety is really the biggest thing on my mind. Trust me.
SS: I do.
TR: Do you?
SS: I do. I trust you on the same level as I trust duct tape to take the stains off this dress.
TR: Cool.
GK: Trust is crucial in any friendship, and it's important when it comes to tape too. Duct tape is a product that has gradually earned the trust of the American people over the years - as a stain remover or for structural support. It holds a lot longer than you may think. Duct tape. It's almost all you need sometimes. A message from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS)
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor