(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
Tonight's show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. The kids have left home, the gerbils passed away, and Minnesota has a governor who shaves his head and knows how to do a flying mule. So, to celebrate, we booked ourselves on a seven-day cruise of the Caribbean. (BOAT HORN, AND WAVES)
SS: Honey, I've been looking all over the ship for you. Why are you out here leaning over the railing?
TR: Just feeling a little disappointed, Barb. Somehow I wish the travel agent would have told us this was a Christian Coalition Youth cruise.
SS: I know, dear.
TR: No beer, no dancing, no poker, and whenever we go ashore, it isn't to shop, it's to hold rallies. I mean, this is not what they promised -
SS: Well, it's only for seven days -
TR: We came here to have a good time, honey. Are you having a good time?
SS: Well, this morning I got to do low-impact aerobics to Amy Grant.
TR: I'm tired of guys in navy blue polyester and narrow ties. And hymns. I never cared for "Amazing Grace" and I like it even less now that I've heard it played by two marimbas.
SS: Easy, Jim.
TR: I don't want to go in the pool and keep bumping into a guy in a white robe.
SS: Jim -
TR: I dreamed of the Love Boat, and here we wound up on the Brotherhood Barge.
SS: You know what'll make you feel better, darling?
TR: Yes. A full refund.
SS: A nice big helping of ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help take the sting out of life's little disappointments.
TR: You're right, Barb.
SS: Let me fix you a plate of brie and ketchup.
TR: And next year we'll skip the Christian Coalition and go to Atlanta -
RD: KETCHUP JINGLE
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor