Tonight's show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Now that the kids are out of the house and the cat is dead, we go to the theater on Saturday nights, sleep late, and read the Sunday paper in bed.
SS: Two people exactly my age in the obituaries this morning.
TR: But you're only 55, Barb.
SS: I know.
TR: Listen. Life is good. Jennifer broke up with her horrible boyfriend and Brent has held onto his job at the 7-11 for six months now. These are the good years. Let's enjoy them.
SS: I can't help it. I worry. I want you to promise me something, honey.
TR: Promise you what?
SS: If I should die, I want you to remarry.
TR: Huh?
SS: I don't want you to throw away happiness out of a misguided sense of loyalty. So promise me you'll remarry. Remarry a beautiful young woman and sell this house and buy a condo on Maui and devote your declining years to sensual pleasure - what do you say?
TR: Okay. Fine. Whatever.
SS: Just like that? Remarry? Shouldn't there at least be a grieving process? Couldn't you wait for a few weeks at least?
TR: Okay, okay, I won't remarry.
SS: Go ahead. Maybe you'll take your second wife on a decent honeymoon, not two weeks fishing up at Lake Mille Lacs with your parents.
TR: Barb? Listen. I don't think you're getting enough ketchup these days. You've been hitting the salsa pretty hard, Barb. Independent studies show that salsa makes people owly, but ketchup has natural mellowing agents that comfort people and settle them down. That's why it's America's favorite vegetable.
SS: I'm sorry, honey. You're right.
TR: How about a Denver omelette. With plenty of ketchup. (MUSIC BUILD BEGINS)
RD (SINGS):
These are the good years, in the setting sun, Each day is precious, live them one by one, Love is flowing like ketchup on a bun.GK: Ketchup - For the good times.
RD (SINGS): Ketchup..... Ketchup.....
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor