GK:...after this message.

(SAX ZARATHUSTRA NOTES.....)

SS: Lower intestinal gas is a natural product of the digestive process, but if you're embarrassed by sudden outbursts when you're among friends or family, try Sweet 'N Easy ---- (VIOLIN) Sweet 'N Easy is the aromatic underwear that releases bursts of springlike fragrance --- automatically ---- whenever you sing a musical note. You can't eliminate gas but you can eliminate the embarrassment --- - so the next time you feel lower intestinal gas buildup, sing--- (TR TENOR)

TK: Hey---- you open a window or something?

TR: No. Why?

TK: I smelled flowers all of a sudden.

SS: You'll be able to mingle naturally with other people after a meal, with no worry of embarrassment ---- thanks to Sweet 'N Easy. (VIOLIN. TR TENOR NOTE)

TK: It smells like petunias or something.

TR (TO HIMSELF): Thanks, Sweet 'N Easy.

SS: The gas won't go away. But the embarrassment can. (VIOLIN. TR TENOR NOTE) Sweet 'N Easy. One size fits all.

© 1997 by Garrison Keillor