GK: ....brought to you by Microlife.....software for life as it's lived today.
GK: It was Bill Gates who said: "Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning."
And that's why LOL ---- Lutherans On Line --- tries to bring you a Sunday morning worship matrix that maximizes religious benefits per unit of time expended.
TR: LOL is just superfun and supercool. Totally neat. And it's got things you don't get in church, like multitasking, parallel processing, and sequence data, so you can make your own game plan, and prioritize your worship strategies.
SS: Bob and I used to attend a church but it was just so pokey, and we realized that, hey, some people meditate faster than others, so why should we all have to go at their speed?
TR: With Lutherans on Line, you can scroll through the whole service and take what you need. Here's the prelude ---- something by J.S. Bach----
SS: Bor-ing!
TR: (BEEP) Delete. Confession of Sins?
SS: Click on forgiveness.
TR: Right. (BEEP) Announcements?
SS: Naw. (BEEP)
TR: Old Testament reading?
SS: What's it from?
TR: I donno. Deuteronomy or something.
SS: Never heard of it. (BEEP)
TR: New Testament?
SS: What's it about?
TR: Sanctification by grace....
SS: Been there, done that---- (BEEP)
TR: Gospel....
SS: Save it for later. (BEEP)
TR: Sermon? ---
SS: Are you kidding? (BEEP)
TR: Offering?
SS: Give em five bucks. (BEEP)
TR: Communion---- there's the wine icon (CLICK) and the wafer (CLICK) and the benediction (TK ELECT VOICE: Go in peace.) All done.
SS: Cool.
TR: Lutherans on Line --- it's a win-win situation.
SS: No brainer.
TR: Digital worship. Available 24 hours a day. Worship when you want -- for as long as you want.
SS: Neat.
GK: From Microlife, also makers of Microsex programs.
TR: You know, just in terms of allocation of time resources, sex is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Friday evening.
GK: From Microlife.... PO (JINGLE):
GK: ...software for life as it's lived today.
© 1997 by Garrison Keillor