...Brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf ----
TK (ON PHONE): Bon soir, Cafe Boeuf Seattle. This is Maurice speaking. (LITTLE GIBBERISH) How may I help you?
GK: Maurice, it's Carson Wyler, I'd like to make a reservation for two for dinner tonight at seven? In back?
TK (ON PHONE): (MURMURING TO HIMSELF) Wyler -- Wyler --- yes, I remember you from last time. The large man with the toupee. How many in your party, Mr. Wyler?
GK: Two for dinner. And I don't have a toupee.
TK (ON PHONE): You don't?
GK: No, it's my own hair.
TK (ON PHONE): How amazing. How sad for your hair.
GK: And I'm not that large. I'm large-boned.
TK (ON PHONE): As you wish, monsieur. When in August did you wish to make the reservation.
GK: Not in August. Now. Tonight.
TK (ON PHONE): Tonight? I'm sorry.
GK: Please. It's very important.
TK (ON PHONE): What is important?
GK: I need to get a table tonight at 7.
TK (ON PHONE): But what is the nature of its importance? What makes it important? What's the cause of importance?
GK: Well, I ----
TK (ON PHONE): Does self-interest give importance to a need, or is there a universal good that transcends self-interest?
GK: I don't know. I ---
TK (ON PHONE): You don't know! If you don't know how am I supposed to know?
GK: I don't know.
TK (ON PHONE): I'm trying to find some rational basis for giving you a table.
GK: I appreciate that.
TK (ON PHONE): To give you the table means not giving it to someone else.
GK: I understand.
TK (ON PHONE): Should I not make a choice between you and the others who may wish the table?
GK: Of course.
TK (ON PHONE): But I do not yet know who they are.
GK: I see. So there is a table free.
TK (ON PHONE): Free. In this case, what is freedom? Freedom to choose, yes, but on what basis?
GK: How about on the basis of my giving you twenty dollars?
TK (ON PHONE): Twenty dollars. You Americans are so direct. And yet what is the meaning of twenty dollars?
GK: How about twenty-five?
TK (ON PHONE): Twenty-five I understand better.
GK: Thirty.
TK (ON PHONE): Aha! Now I see! Of course. How silly of me. What time tomorrow did you say?
GK: Forty dollars.
TK (ON PHONE): Aha! Tonight then..
GK: Please. Tonight.
TK (ON PHONE): Excellent. Seven o'clock.
GK: Thank you.
TK (ON PHONE): Quite welcome.
GK: And this is in back?
TK (ON PHONE): Relative to what?
GK: Never mind.
TK (ON PHONE): Front, back -- it depends on which way one is facing.
GK: The Cafe Boeuf..you have to work at it, but you can usually get in. Good luck. (PLAYOFF)
© 1997 by Garrison Keillor