We're having floods in Minnesota.......
It's been especially rough in the Red River Valley, between Minnesota and North Dakota in Grand Forks, especially we're talking to Mrs. Deeanna Brower originally from Grafton and now I don't know where she is Mrs. Brower?
SS: Hello? Hello
GK: Can you hear me?
SS: I'm on the cellular phone.
GK: Can you hear okay?
SS: I can hear just fine.
GK: That's good. When we spoke last, Mrs. Brower...
SS: Can you hear me okay?
GK: I hear you fine. We spoke to you about a week ago...
SS: The batteries are low in the cellular phone, so sometimes it's hard to hear.
GK: I'm hearing you fine. When we spoke to you a week ago...
SS: I can hear you fine, too. Coming through loud and clear.
GK: That's good. When we spoke last, Mrs. Brower, you were floating north on the river in your house and your husband Arlen was floating about a quarter mile behind you in the barn...
SS: That's right. He's about a halfmile back now.
GK: I see.
SS: He tossed out an anchor to slow himself down after I took a shot at him with the shotgun.
GK: What's wrong, Mrs. Brower?
SS: There's a woman with him in the barn.
GK: Are you sure?
SS: They're up in the copula together.
GK: You mean the cupola.
SS: What did I say?
GK: Never you mind. Where'd this woman come from? You're adrift in the middle of the river.
SS: Well, I can't wait to ask Arlen that very question.
GK: Anyway, whereabouts are you today?
SS: Well, we crossed the Canadian border and we're heading for Hudson Bay and after that I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine. I'm thinking maybe we'll spend the summer in Norway. Arlen has relatives there.
GK: Well, how are you doing, Mrs. Brower? This is turning into quite an ordeal.
SS: Oh, I'm doing just fine. No problem here. The house rides real well in the water, so I'm sleeping okay, and I've been keeping busy getting my spice rack organized and I went through my recipes, and the cows are fine too.
GK: The cows are still with you in the house?
SS: They're right here. All sixteen of em. Got four to a bedroom. I've been feeding em macaroni and cheese and meat loaf.
GK: Meat loaf!
SS: It's cannibalism, isn't it. Like the Donner Party. But I told em it was soybeans, so they're okay with it.
GK: Is the river lower now than it was?
SS: I don't know. Doesn't look like it. Water as far as you can see. Had a bird fly up to my kitchen window today. A dove.
GK: Was it carrying an olive branch in its beak?
SS: No, it was carrying a sponge.
GK: I see. But you're not discouraged.
SS: Oh my, no. Little ticked off at Arlen right now, but I'm doing fine. I am sort of starting to miss my TV shows though. You don't know what's happening on Guiding Light, do you?
GK: No, I don't. Sorry.
SS: Last I knew, Stephanie was over her amnesia and talking about marrying Walt as soon as he gets out of therapy and Stella was trying to tell her that Walt was in the car crash and Cindy was in the car with him, he was messing around her instead of going to his group meetings. You haven't heard any more than that, have you?
GK: No, I haven't but you take care, Mrs. Brower. So you think you may go all the way to Norway, huh?
SS: Well, if we catch the Gulf Stream, I think we might. We've been talking about going for years, so maybe this is our chance. You got to look on the bright side.
GK: Well, you have a good trip, Mrs. Brower, wherever you're going.
SS: I certainly will, and you take care too. How are you doing? Here we are talking all about me, I didn't get a chance to ask about you. How are you? I hear your show has got problems...
GK: Oh, what's that?
SS: I heard that your ratings were way down. Anyway, we haven't been able to listen cause we've got to save on batteries.
GK: That's okay. Where did you hear...
SS: The batteries in the radio are kinda low so I'm saving them for the weather reports. I'm going to have t' run now.
GK: I understand. Thank you, DeeAnna Brower, from somewhere in the Red River Valley.
© 1997 by Garrison Keillor