SS: Welcome to A Prairie Home Companion. If you wish to listen to the entire show, press 1 now.
If you would like to begin with a short selection from the show, press 2. (TWO TONES)
For comedy, press 1 now.
For a musical selection, press 2 now.
For a few minutes of fundraising, press 3 now. (PAUSE. TWO TONES)
If you wish to hear the host of the show sing "Shortnin' Bread," press 1 now.
If you wish to hear the Guys All-Star Shoe Band play a tune from their new album, press 2. (TWO TONES)
You have pressed 2 for a song from the Guys All Star Shoe Band's recent album. Which recent album would you like to hear a song from?
If you wish to hear a tune from the Band's album, "Multiple Injuries," press 1 now.
If you wish to hear a tune from the Band's album, "The Defiance of the Zodiac," press 2 now.
If you wish to hear a tune from the Band's album, "Purple Recidivism," press 3 now.
If you wish to hear a tune from the Band's next album, "Singin the Blues," press 4 now. (FOUR TONES)
You have pressed 4. If that is correct, press 1. If this is not correct, please hold, and an announcer will be with you in a moment. (TONE)
Your musical selection will begin in just a moment. If you wish to order this album, press 1 now.
If you wish to order this album and the Guy's All-Star Shoe Band Visa card, press 2 now.
If you would like the Guy's All-Star Shoe Band to come to your home and play this tune as you enjoy a gourmet dinner, press 3 now. (THREE TONES)
You have pressed 3. If you wish the Band to park in front of your house, press 1. In back, press 2. A block away, press 3. (TWO TONES)
If you would like, along with the Band, clarinetist Butch Thompson, press 1 now. If you would like jazz dancer Bubbles Gunderson, press 2 now. If you would like Jiggs Barkley and his Trained Spaniels, press 3 now. (TWO TONES)
You have pressed 2 for Bubbles Gunderson. If that is correct, press 2 again. (TWO TONES)
Please select your preferred entree: for chicken, press 1 now. For beef, press 2 now. For vegetarian, press 3. (THREE TONES)
You have pressed 3 for vegetarian. Unfortunately, we are out of vegetarian.
Unfortunately, Bubbles Gunderson is not available either. And neither is Butch Thompson. In their place, we will send to your home a person from a particular religious faith who will speak to you about the Millenium and the meaning of prophecies in Scripture and how this will affect your family over the next thousand years.
Your musical selection will begin in a moment. Thank you for using A Prairie Home Companion. To repeat this menu, press 1 now.
(c) Garrison Keillor by 1997