(BUSY GUITAR THEME, OLD SWING TUNE)
...brought to you by Gary's Plaid Pants Warehouse.
TR: Get into the mood of spring with a pair of bright, festive plaid pants - the fashion exclamation - plaid pants, one way of saying, "This is me, it couldn't be anyone else."
GK: In primitive aboriginal tribes, the male who wore the brighest colors was the most virile and agressive, and it's the same in this country too.
TR: That's right. If you get yourself the right pair of pants, people will remember you for years afterward.
GK: With bright plaid pants, you'll get faster service in restaurants, and you'll never be struck by a moving vehicle.
TR: Plaid pants keep bugs off and distract opponents in golf matches, and they revitalize your marriage or whatever else is going on in your life.
GK: So - get happy. Get a load of pants at Gary's Plaid Pants Warehouse, where the giant pants on the flagpole show you the way to big pants savings. Available only where sold, should not be used when operating heavey machinery.
© 1997 by Garrison Keillor