GK:....after this word. (WARM FURRY MUSIC)
TR: That's my family. My brothers Bernie and Danny, my sister Becky. Still kinda close, we four, just like in the old days, especially at the holidays. We always get together and it's always wonderful, the closeness, the traditions. And this year I noticed something wrong. Something wrong with their hair.
SS: What is it, Buddy? I sense that something's amiss. Has a rift appeared between us?
TR: I feel as close to you as ever, Becky. And that's why I can say this. Your hair is dull and dingy. I'm afraid that if you don't do something about it, Al may leave you for a cocktail waitress.
SS: But I use an expensive shampoo and conditioning rinse, Buddy. It's made from aloe and tarragon and oregano and celery root and garlic and....
TR: Those things can never get your hair sparkly clean the way ketchup can, Becky.
SS: Ketchup? But----
TR: Mom always used it when she washed your hair, Becky. Always.
SS: That was ketchup? I thought I was having a brain hemmorhage.
TR: Here, Becky. A bottle of ketchup shampoo. For the old times.
SS: Thanks, Buddy. And--- thanks for being able to tell me.
TR: It isn't easy to say "I love you" but there's no better way than with ketchup. Ketchup shampoo and conditioner, ketchup vinaigrette salad dressing, ketchup room freshener, and more than four hundred other fine ketchup products.
GK: A message from the Ketchup Advisory Board.
© 1996 BY GARRISON KEILLOR AND RICH PROCTER