(IDYLLIC CHORDS)
TR: I've been thinking about taking a vacation in January and spending a couple weeks in Hawaii. But probably I should stay home and caulk my bathroom tile grouting.
SS: Here at Lutheran Tours, we know how guilty you feel about vacations. And that's why we design vacations that are not too much fun.
TR: Oh? Really?
SS: How about two weeks in Hawaii working as a substitute teacher in a junior high school?
TR: That sounds good. But what about the hotel? I don't want anything too fancy.
SS:You'll stay in a small dank cinderblock building near the airport and eat your meals at Mister Weiner.
TR: Fine. What about recreation? I don't want to have to swim or play golf and all that.
SS: You can walk around with a bag and a sharp stick and pick up trash from roadside rest stops.
TR: Sounds good. Will I be able to catch some kind of a virus on my vacation?
SS: Of course. We have more than sixteen viruses to choose from.
TR: But how can I be sure that my wife and I will return home sick and exhausted and not speaking to each other?
SS: When did you start speaking to your wife?
TR: Good point.
GK: Lutheran Tours, for the vacation guaranteed to make you glad to get back home.
©1996 BY GARRISON KEILLOR, RICH PROCTER AND JOHN KNOERLE