(QUIET ELEGANT MUSIC) .....It's always a problem when sophisticated out of town guest come to visit you here in the Midwest.
TR: Oh hi. Good to see you.
CF: What a lovely home!
TR: Wonderful.
CF: And your yard...it's pretty.
TR: Monica has never been to the Midwest before, have you dear?
CF: No! And I'm so completely surprised. I expected it to be --- you know --- flat. And sort of open. Fields. You know. But it's so lovely. Really. Very gracious. We came from the airport and there were streets and everything. Shops. Houses with yards. Trees.
TR: Exactly.
CF: I was expecting....mostly cows.
TR: And there were restaurants even.
CF: Exactly. (CHORDS)
GK: --- so where do you take these people for dinner? There is, of course, the Cafe Nouveau Minneapole' (TR FRENCH) --- it got a good review in the Minneapolis paper (TK GROWLY MAN: The poulet was okay, and the sauce could've been worse.) --- and then there's the San Paolo (TR ITALIAN) --- which your sister-in-law said was good (CF: Yeah, it was real good. If you like Italian.) --- and there's a sushi place (TR JAPANESE), that you've heard is good -- the Komodo Dakota---- and there's the Taj Mahalvorson (TR INDIAN) ---- but are these places really good enough for your guests from New York --- (TR: Really. Anything is fine with us. CF: Wherever you like to eat) --- so, why not take them to a place they've never been in anything like before -- Mel's Big Boy Buffet at the Mall. (TR: A cafeteria! How American. CF: Plastic trays. I didn't know they still had these!) At Mel's, you put your plate on a tray and go through the line (TR: Fantastic. Meat loaf. CF: I haven't had that in years! TR: And mashed potatoes. SQUISH. CF: With gravy! SLOP. TR: And squash! Fabulous. SQUISH. ) At Mel's Big Boy Buffet, the decor is Mall Colonial (CF: This is so Seventies. TR: It is.) and your friends will get a big kick out of it (GEEZER MURMURS) (CF: I feel as if I'm in a movie. What's the name of that movie?) and they'll have a wonderful time and it's cheap (TK: Four dollars and forty seven cents. CASH REGISTER.) How you folks doin' tonight? And admit it: you like this food. Mel's Big Boy Buffet at the Mall. (TK: Hi, this is Mel. If you're going to use your discount coupons, make sure you have em out and ready as you come up to the cashier so you don't hold up the line, okay? Appreciate your cooperation.) Tomorrow's special: (TK: Roast turkey.) Thanks, Mel. (TK: No problem.)
(MUSIC OUT)
©1996 BY GARRISON KEILLOR