GK: And now, a word from Fred Farrell, the man to trust in animal calls.....
TR: If flies and mosquitos are bugging you this summer, get rid of them with our Fred Farrell Spider Call (TIKA TIKA). Brings in spiders to eat the flies and then (CAWS) use Fred Farrell's Bird Call to get a bird to eat your spiders, and then (MEOW) a Fred Farrell's Cat Call, and that takes care of the bird (GULP, MEOW) and then a Dog Call to handle the cat (BARKS, MEOW) and then (GOAT) you call a goat to get rid of the dog (GOAT, DOG RUNS OFF) and then you call a cow to run off the goat (GOAT OFF) and then our Fred Farrell horse call (NEIGHHH) to drive off the cow (COW FADING).
GK: I see.
TR: That's how it works.
GK: And that gets rid of bugs?
TR: Everytime. Bye. (NEIGH) Giddup. (HOOVES OFF)
GK: Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls.
GK: This portion of our show brought to you by Liquid Gravity Technologies, makers of the world's only head-seeking, laser-guided water balloons. (SFX: BEEP BEEP BEEP SPLOOSH! TK: HEY!)
© 1996 Garrison Keillor