GK: May is Sweeps Month, when the listenership ratings are determined, and for that reason, we interrupt this show to bring you something for a younger audience. (GUNFIRE)
TR: He's there. Behind the burning sauna.
CF: You sure it's him? (DISTANT ARTILLERY. EXPLOSIONS)
TR: Lemme check the infrared scope. (PAUSE) Yeah. I can see his Birkenstocks. He's a liberal all right. Lower me....
CF: Wait....
TR: Cover me..... (GUNFIRE)
CF: Wait.....listen. (CHOPPER APPROACHING) It's a black helicopter, Mike.
TR: It's the United Nations One World Force come to take over Montana.
CF: We've got to stop them, Mike. First, it'll be Butte. Then Great Falls and Billings. They've already got Missoula and Bozeman. They'll come in with their public radio and take our children to eat granola and the next thing you know we'll be forced to wear seat belts.
TR: I'll stop them, Pat. If it's the last thing I do. OKAY, MEDIA ELITE ---- LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE THIS---- (MACHINE GUN. RUNNING FOOTSTEPS. ROCKET FIRE. TR IS HIT AND MORTALLY WOUNDED.)
CF: They got Mike. Up to me now. (BOLT ACTION) Okay one-worlders--here I come.....what's this?
TR: (ELVIS) (DISTANCE): Hi, there, ma'am.
CF: It's Bill Clinton walking towards me. Bill Clinton -- let me check the scope.
TR: (ELVIS) (OFF) How y' doin', darling?
CF: No! It's Elvis. It's the King. He's on their side.
TR: (ELVIS) (OFF): Let's not have suspicious minds, darling.
CF: Why'dja do it, big guy? I can't shoot Elvis......can I?
GK: Coming up later on many of these public radio stations.
© 1996 By Garrison Keillor