ALASKA CATS
Alaska cats don't take no crap.
They don't sit in no one's lap.
They don't let you brush their fur
Or have cute names like Gulliver.
They mumble but they seldom purr.
Alaska cats are three feet tall.
They drink beer and play pinball.
And you may notice when they call,
They don't wash themselves at all -
Just once in the spring and once in the fall.
Alaska cats are always dressed
In jeans and boots and outdoor vest.
It's not stuffed with eiderdown
But hair from dogs around the town -
Some black, some brown.
Once a year to hold off famine
They jump in the boats and they fish for salmon
Slap those big fish with their paws
Catch 'em, bone 'em, and then toss
'Em in a pan with catsup sauce.
Alaska cats chew catnip snoose
And spit about anywhere they choose.
The freest cat you ever saw.
They have no owners, no leash law -
They laugh at pet cats.
Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha.
© 1996 by Garrison Keillor