(GK SINGS "TAKING A CHANCE ON LOVE")
(PARTY TALK AND HILARITY)
TR: Hello!
CF: Hello!
TR: Don't I know you?
(PAUSE A BEAT)
CF: I don't know. Do you?
TR: I'm Trevor's stepfather. Vince. Vince Raines.
CF: And Trevor is ---
TR: The bridegroom.
DR: The bridegroom! Oh! Of course.
TR: He married Tracy.
CF: Right. I know her. I --- didn't know Trevor.
TR: He was standing next to her.
CF: Of course!
TR: In the white jacket.
CF: Well, congratulations.
TR: Thank you.
CF: You must be very proud of him.
(PAUSE A BEAT)
TR: Yes. Very much so.
CF (CATCHES HERSELF): I'm Shakar Mahab, Vince.
TR: Pleased to meet you.
CF: I'm Tracy's stepmother. Sort of. I'm married to her former stepfather. Jim.
TR: Uh Huh. So Jim was married to ----
CF: Jim was married to Tracy's mother, Diane.
TR: Aha! I thought that Margaret was Tracy's mother.
CF: No, no no no no. She was married to Tracy's first stepfather. Bob.
TR: Oh --- I never met Bob.
CF: He died.
TR: I see.
CF: No, Diane is Tracy's - you know --- biological mother, I guess you'd say. Diane and I get along beautifully. She's so great. I really mean that. We've become like really close friends. It's been such a delight. No jealousies, no old scores to settle, it's been so --- mature, somehow. You know?
TR: I know. That's great.
CF: and Tracy is like a daughter. Well, she is my daughter, really. I mean, it takes a village to raise a child. You know?
(PAUSE A BEAT)
TR: That's an interesting name ---- Shakti....
CF: Shakar.
TR: Sorry. Shakar.
CF: Shakar Mahab. It's my Mufti name.
TR: I see.
CF: Mufti is my religion.
TR: Uh huh. I don't think I've ever heard of it.
CF: No. Most people haven't.
TR: I'm Methodist.
CF: I see.
TR: And it's called Muftiism?
CF: Yes. It's thousands of years old, I mean in its basic teachings, but it's sort of new in America. --- It's a very joyful religion. It's sort of eastern --- I mean, it doesn't have guilt as a main component. It's not guilt driven. You know?
TR: Uh huh. Interesting.
CF: I mean, in Muftiism, we don't do guilt. It's that simple.
TR: Great.
CF: There's a lot of dancing instead. Dance is a very integral part of Mufti theology.
TR: I see.
CF: It's not linear --- or hierarchical --- like Christianity. It's circular.
TR: Sure.
CF: It's hard to explain to someone you just met.
TR: Right.
CF: So you're Trevor's stepfather.
TR: Right. I'm married to Elaine --- Elaine Randall --- I mean, she's Elaine Raines now, but she was Elaine Randall --- she was Jerry's wife. Jerry's second wife. His first wife was Anne, and Anne of course is married to Douglas, Trevor's father. So that's where I come in.
CF: I see. Well, you must be very proud of Trevor.
TR: I only met him today, but he seems fine.
CF: I'm sure you'll be very happy.
TR: Yes......I just can't get over this feeling that I - is shamar your real name --- I mean your original name?
CF: Shakar.
TR: Sorry. Is that your original name?
CF: In Muftiism, we believe in the power to name ourselves, Vince.
TR: I see.
CF: It's not a paternalistic religion, Muftiism. Our gods are very clearly female. There isn't the legalism, or the power trips, or the smiting in Muftiism. We don't do smiting.
TR: Uh huh.
CF: There isn't some male divinity up in the sky shaking his fist at you. We put all of that aside when we put aside our victim names and take on our sacred names. Shakar Mahab is my sacred name.
TR: I see. I guess what I'm asking is, what was your victim name?
CF: My victim name, if you must know, was Debbie.
TR: Debbie! Debbie Elliott! I can't believe it! It's you!
CF: Of course it's me.
TR: Debbie Elliott! I used to be married to Pat! The woman who left me for your first husband!
CF: Of course! Hi!
TR: I haven't seen you in years!
CF: How are you???
TR: I'm great! I knew I knew your from somewhere. Hey ---
CF: What was his name anyway? My first husband---
TR: Dave.
CF: Dave! Of course! The big guy in the sportcoat.
TR: Right. Dave is also Trevor's Stepfather.
CF: Is that right??
TR: He married Karen (THEY FADE AWAY NOW)...
CF: Karen who was married to Trevor's second stepfather?
TR: Exactly. (MUSIC COMES UP)
(GK Reprise --- TAKING A CHANCE ON LOVE)
© 1996 by Garrison Keillor